I can’t tell if technology is helping or hurting us. Hell, if Stephen Hawking is worried about the ability of a sentient technology to “design improvements to itself and outsmart us all” — then I’m frigging scared.

Well, I think it’s high time we make technology our parenting bitch. Let’s start with transportation because it makes us crazy. Carting kids around? Getting anywhere at a rapid pace? It’s miraculous if it happens at all. So, how can we use technology, namely Uber (yes, I’m putting my referral code in there so you can get $10 off a ride because WHY NOT?), to solve some parenting issues?

Let’s do this. And hope we don’t get sued.

Guber

Nope. It’s not an app for governors or Steve Guttenberg. I’m starting a would-be competitor called Guber. It’d be a taxi service using dirty vehicles owned by parents to transport parents in a setting they’re most familiar with. Sticky cheerios stuck to your butt and a slightly off-smelling stench emanating from between the seats.

You could only sit in the front seat because, as Liz Climo predicted, “Sorry, I only have room for one, in the front. The back is filled with carseats.”

Buber

Allegedly, Ms. Marcy Massura has already launched a competitor to my competitor because she’s competitive as hell. Buber. While it sounds like a very well-endowed car service for Spring Breaks and late nights, that’s a NOPE! She’s declaring it a service for “breastfeeding moms on the go.” I have no idea what that means exactly since breastfeeding in a moving car sounds dangerous. Frankly, Ms. Massura should get her facts straight. Seatbelts make it hard to breastfeed. And breast milk would become breast milkshake.

I look forward to Guber going on the offensive and embarking upon a hostile takeover of Buber soon.

Luber

Parents rarely have alone time. So. Um. There would be this. You do the math. Or the physiology. Or anatomy. I don’t remember.

 
There you have it. Everyone is familiar with Uber, but these competitors would crush them. So fast. Like faster than my kid asking for lego sets right before his birthday.

Parents rely on technology every day, both simple and complex. The parents who can’t put their phones down when they’re “playing at the park” with their kids, for example. The mom who needs to track her steps on her $200 pedometer. The dad who takes pictures of everything with his smartphone instead of interacting with people. Technology is necessary. All these people are me, obviously. But beyond that, we need technology to solve our problems.

Anyone here a venture capitalist who wants to fund me?

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