The biggest problem with food is that it’s delicious and available. So, wouldn’t the overarching concept behind an effective diet be to reduce the amount of food available or to suppress the desire for it, or simply remove its deliciousness? Maybe not, but whatever, right?!

If you choose the Kid-Made Diet, you’ll have no problem with portion control once a wad of play-dough unleashes salty hell on your tongue. And, even if your home is the sloppiest reality-TV-show-worthy hovel, you’ll probably discover that the Found Food Diet will give you the body-fat ratio of some svelt naturalist who is contractually required to eat bark and the gross creepy crawlies that live under it.

Let’s face it. These suggestions are basically starvation diets, so they’re all terrible. Maybe it’d be better said that they’re starvation diets BECAUSE they’re terrible.

Before you say these are crazy, let’s just sit back and examine how nutty some nutritional programs can get… Okay no. These are all just really bat shit crazy. No one ever said this website was supposed to be useful! Don’t be misled by things like oh I don’t know… the website’s name or anything frivolous like that!

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MOAR!