It’s been a while since we’ve been babies and kids, so it’s easy to forget what it’s like for them and that they tend to be consistently unemployed and extremely cash poor. Understandably so, since it’s kind of a legal thing that they can’t earn a wage, but that doesn’t stop them from needing and wanting things. A lot.

So, they have to use other methods to get by. Let’s take a look at the ways a youngling will employ to become the owner of something.

Existing

There are a bunch of things parents are required to provide by default, things kids need to be kept comfortable and alive. At they grow and ripen, this will also mean gifts, and might even progress into an allowance. Cha-ching! Simply existing doesn’t pay well, but it does pay.

Begging

We wish we didn’t have to experience this, but, sadly, it winds up being one of the things we experience the most. Ugh. Yeah, so what? Maybe sometimes we chose to pay the shut-the-eff-up tax and give them when they’re tugging our shirt for. Don’t judge, it just puts ugly lines on your face.

Adorable-ing

They’re just so irresistible (sometimes), right? Those eyes, man! They must shoot out mind-control lasers or something, maybe the little cutie patooties even use some telekinetic tractor beams that wrestle our cash and cards out to buy stuff for them.

Stealing

No one wants their child to become Sticky McFingerson, but sometimes kids have a poor sense of possession (or rely on adults thinking this), so they swipe something they MUST HAVE. It’s okay, it doesn’t mean all their future paystubs are going to come from crime.

Grossifying

Like an animal marking its territory, kids will claim something with sheer grossness. Either protecting what’s theirs or hijacking what’s someone else’s, they’ll plant their flag by covering something in their cooties.

Dibs-ing

Ah, that magical enchantment that says, “This is MINE!” Simply because they demonstrated their worthiness to posses it by saying something before anyone else. Whoever who calls dibs first shall control the universe.

Negotiating

Kids form trading and bribing systems that can be stunningly complex, or just bag o’ hammers simple, really. But, their haggling skills will become clear to any parent in an intense debate about the number of minutes they’ll be “good” or “asleep by” in exchange for something.

Inheriting

Before you gets all Harry Potter, Lion King or Batman sad about this one, this more commonly means plain ol’ hand-me-downs or that whole “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure” sort of thing.

Earning

And here’s the unicorn every parent searches for. A child that works for and earns what they come to own. Even when they are really terrible it.

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