When something is stuck to a wall or scattered in a million pieces on the floor, or a blubbering sibling is rubbing their head, and you ask a kid what happened? Hah! You’ll hear barely anything (if anything at all) about the sequence of events. Instead, you’ll hear a lot about the philosophical nature of cause and effect and how it’s impossible, really, for anyone to truly know anything about anything ‘n’ stuff.

You see, most kids are allergic to being in trouble. And once they grow up, defense attorneys make a living by helping these people avoid this particular allergen.

Very early kids and lawyers learn that excuses tend to indicate or acknowledge fault, and a plain explanation is the fastest way to a guilty verdict (especially when you’re guilty), causing an allergy breakout from being sentenced to chores/fines or groundings/jail-time. Hence, the excusplanation.

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I have no excusplanation for most of these.