There are three types of people in this world: 1) people who’ve played Pokémon, 2) people who haven’t, and 3) people who have kids that play, or are addicted to the video games, cartoons, movies and merchandise.

Whichever you are, you’re probably at least vaguely aware of the quirky, strategy card game in some way. For those of you who’ve been living in the tall grass, the game basically pits little, weird creatures against each other in battle, until they ultimately evolve into bigger, weirder creatures. See? They’re already starting to sound like kids.

SO! Let’s take a look, from newborn to teen, at what it would be like if kids were Pokémon characters.

Gotta raise ’em all! Right? Heh.

Unfortunately, it would appear that babies and kids would make for some pretty terrible Pokémon cards, since they do a tremendous amount of damage to their parent trainers and themselves as well. But if these cards did exist and you happened to get some in a pack, there’d always be the chance you could trade them for better ones!

If you found some noob dumb enough.

Maybe.