There’s a term called “mommy brain.” Sure, men can have daddy brain, too, of course, because it simply refers to the incredibly dumb things you say and do (or forget to) as a parent because your kids and life have ganged up and mugged the majority of your IQ points.

When our parental noggins are in particularly bad shape, my wife and I will start sentences half way in, or begin saying something and fizzle out before we’ve reached the finish line, occasionally asking the other what the hell we were even talking about. Even when we can stay on track, it can be a train wreck. The jumble of words stumbling out of our faces can make it seem like English was our second or third language, learned by watching cartoons.

My wife has a particular tendency towards pronouns when she’s wiped out. Yes, it’s true that pronouns are useful for not having to repeat the same noun over and over, but they fail miserably when the other person doesn’t know what noun they’re referring to. Add to this fun, those vague words that just don’t even try and simply wave the mental white flag weakly: thingamajig, whatchamacallit, thingy, doohickey, whosiewhatsit, whatshisface.

I’ve had phone conversations with my wife where the mobile signal was so bad, we just agreed to continue later. We’ve also had conversations in front of each other where we also postponed talking about it because the intelligence signal was too low.

Ah, parenthood.

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