DO’s and DO-NOT’s for Halloween 2020
Let’s not put a mask on it. Halloween is going to be fairly sucky this year.
Pandemic bummers aside, it was supposed to be exceptionally AMAZING. October 31st falls on both a full Blue Moon AND a Saturday! AND the clocks roll back an hour!!! Such a shame.
In the days of Halloweens past, all we usually had to fret about was our kids falling into a diabetic coma, or unnecessarily worrying about a razor in a candy bar, or a tantrum resulting from getting too many boxes of raisins.
Now with COVID rearing its ugly microscopic head, parents and children have something unusually scary to worry about, but DON’T PANIC!!! Here are a few Do’s and Don’ts that will make navigating the unprecedented crappiness of this COVIDween a tad less uncertain.
1)
DO: give out treats safely.
Aside from gas station bathroom floors, children’s hands are the second largest vector of disease…probably. So if you’re hell bent on dishing out candy this year, instead of having kids grubbily root around in a bowl, dole out candy with a gloved hand or clean salad tongs.
For distancing, you can set up a chute or a system of connected wrapping paper tubes to slide candy down into their eagerly open bags.
If you’re a hardcore Halloweener, you can set up a motorized zipline contraption like this:
DO NOT: launch candy at kids.
Though entertaining, it is highly inadvisable to hurl candy or use a launcher of any form. Tennis ball chuckers, sling shots and t-shirt cannons will only add the danger of sugary projectiles injuriously pelting kids, or sending them scurrying in the street to recover any blasts that overshot their mark.
2)
DO: host an outdoor movie party.
If you’ve got the technical and ladder-climbing skills, buy a projector and hang a large sheet for a kids’ cinema party in the yard! With all the streaming services you can find just about any not-to-spooky movie. For added safety, keep the gathering small and have them wear masks that aren’t part of their costume (they always take those off in minutes).
DO NOT: host an indoor horror-themed haunted house.
A Saw-style escape room might seem like a good idea, but it’s exactly the opposite. No one at any age wants to walk into a room to see two grown men chained up to a wall next to a hacksaw and a gun. Kids start crying. Parents yelling. Lots of potentially infectious bio-particles flying.
Running around the house in close quarters with a chainsaw might seem lively, but the kids are going to be sugar-amped as it is. Adding a night (or weeks) of bedwetting and nightmares doesn’t make for the best Halloween.
3)
DO: have a scavenger hunt outside.
Kids love a scavenger hunt. Well, they sure will this year since not much else will be going on! Keeping kids outside minimizes the risk of contagion as well as the festive demolition of your home. Give the kids some clues and flashlights and let ‘em go! They’ll have fun working together, or competing ruthlessly like the Hunger Games. Have some bandaids to hand.
DO NOT: host a scavenger hunt with booby traps.
Tossing a bunch of those tissue snaps into the yard for them to pop off when they run around is just mean. Spring-loaded toy spiders in plastic eggs? Nope. Tripwires that release hungry raccoons? NO!
Also, remember… they’re searching in the dark… in a yard… potentially bedazzled with dog, cat or other chocolate-like animal poop. “Stop, Billy! You’ve made a terrible mistake!”
Make sure to do a thorough daylight inspection beforehand.
4)
DO: host an online get together.
Host an online event for your children and their friends! Hey. It’s kinda like a party! Sorta. Ugh.
Hire a makeup artist to join and instruct them on how to create gruesome gashes or weird Pokémon faces. Or do a virtual cookie or cupcake decorating activity together. Coordinate with the other parents to get the needed supplies. Send out several reminders. SEV-ER-AL. I’m looking at you, Janine.
DO NOT:
Don’t hire someone like Charles Manson or some YouTube gamer to host the online party. In fact, stay away from sociopaths altogether. Halloween is supposed to be scary, but it’s a fun scary… not SCARY scary.
5)
DO: SOMETHING!
Anything!
DO NOT: just chuck it in the f*ck it bucket.
The kids have suffered enough this year already. It’s our job as parents to try to protect them from danger and illness, but sometimes it’s also about protecting them from massive letdowns. Whatever you decide to do doesn’t have to be wild or expensive or exhausting. Kids can be easier to please than you think.
Teenagers on the other hand… um.
–
There you have it! Please stay safe and have as much fun as you can this Halloween. And always remember that fruit is not an acceptable substitute for treats.
