Extreme Activities for Stir Crazy Kids
Back in the good old days a parent could shove a pork chop or two in their kids’ winter coat pockets, send them out to play with the local wildlife until suppertime and no one batted an eye. Unfortunately, times have changed and those days have gone the way of lawn jarts and child-sized chainsaws.
Whether you’re a work-at-home parent or a stay-at-homer, it’s tough to keep your kids from dying rather loudly from boredom. But! With just a little imagination and even less effort, you can keep your kids occupied for hours at a time! So what are you waiting for? The only time you’ll waste will be your kids’.
Escape!!!
From the time they escape from the womb, all kids are like little Houdinis. First, they’re escaping from their diapers and cribs and the next thing you know they’re unbuckling their seatbelts and trying to get out of a moving car. Instead of hampering your little escape artists, give them something they’re supposed to get out of… like an escape room!
Over the course of an afternoon (or two), your kids will enjoy puzzling over vaguely worded clues as they sleuth their way to freedom. Is the key in the floorboards? An AC vent? Maybe it’s behind the drywall! Maybe the key was within themselves all along. Who knows? After spending hours arguing engaging in a spirited debate about how to find their freedom, they won’t care once they’re out, at which point you’ll have escaped to a different part of the house.
The Quiet Olympics
The Summer and Winter Olympics only happen every four years but the Quiet Olympics can happen whenever you want! Have your kids test the limits of their patience in the Hide and Stay Hidden event. Engage their sleep-anywhere nature in a Long Duration Napping competition. Put your children’s all-around silenceability on display at the Silentcathalon. Whether your kids win the Gold chocolate coin of excellence or the shameful sock full of copper pennies, you’ll become a Champion of peace and quiet.
Know When to Hold ‘Em, Know When to Fold ‘Em
Looking for an educational and fun way to keep your kids busy for hours while introducing them to a financially rewarding career? Look no further than the exciting world of high-stakes poker! In addition to learning about risk versus reward, this classic game also introduces your youngsters to important real-world scenarios like crushing debt and overwhelming interest payments. So whether it’s No-Limit Texas Holdem or Five Card Stud —heck, you can even bet on Go Fish—your kids can gamble away the day, their allowance, and maybe even all of their toys in hours of self-guided fun!
Writing Complaints
Kids have an inexhaustible capacity for whining and complaining, so why not put it to good use? Turn their ability to kvetch and snark about everything on God’s green earth to your advantage and have them write their gripes down in the form of a letter!
Are your kids mad at Common Core? Their teacher would love to receive a letter on the subject. Is your little tyke angry because peppermints are so “spicy”? A large candy manufacturer would be happy to provide an apologetic reply to your kid’s passionate letter…maybe. In addition to doing wonders for their writing skills, having your kids crank out a series of gripes will keep them from complaining to you for hours on end!
Trick Shot Champion
It’s hard not to be just a little concerned as you watch your kid blow an hour or two or even five mindlessly flicking away at a fidget spinner. Kids can be easily entertained by some of the most mundane tasks…as long as they’re not useful things like putting their dirty socks in the hamper or flushing a freshly used toilet.
So, try getting them obsessed over the marginally interesting pastimes of bottle flipping, impossible tosses, ninja-star flicking playing cards, and ping pong ball trick shots. They’ll spend hours calculating angles and cross winds as they learn practical lessons in geometry and physics instead of begging you for screen time like Golem whining for his Precious. So set up that bouncetacle course and get those cameras rolling. If it takes off, your kiddo could depressingly become a financially-independent YouTube star overnight!
Data Entry
No one likes watching their children blow countless hours and a few million brain cells in unproductive screen time. So, turn screen time into grind time! Whether they’re mining the Matrix for Bitcoins (if that’s still a thing) or filling out surveys for valuable cash-like prizes, their keyboard-jockeying is just a wifi connection away.
In addition to possibly being more useful than watching unboxing videos, with the chance of making a few bucks, these activities will give your children the skills they need for a dull and soulless life as a corporate drone!
Thunderdome
Are you tired of breaking up your kids’ constant arguments? Then stop even trying to referee them and have them settle their score on the glorious field, or basement, of combat! Arm those little tykes with a few cardboard tubes, give them a pillow as a shield and let them whack away at each other, preferably in a room as far away from you as possible. As a caring parent, put a pair of underwear stuffed with a t-shirt on their heads for a makeshift helmet for extra protection and hilarity.
Remember, in Thunderdome, two children enter but only one child leaves…to be exiled to the bathroom with a piece of toast for the rest of the evening or something.
So kick back and relax as you watch your little ones duke it out in the basement or train for the Quiet Olympics. Active kids make for happy kids but they also make for even happier, and well-rested, parents.
