ParenTweet March Roundup

ParenTweets March Roundup

Posted under NOTEBOOK

Good parents raise good children but GREAT parents tweet about all of the not-so-great things that happen when they’re raising their children…or something like that. Raising kids isn’t an easy job but someone has to do it which is why HowToBeADad puts together a monthlyish Twitter roundup about the pains and occasional joy of parenthood.

So take a look below for some of the funniest parent tweets we’ve found this month!

Kids math word-problems should be more realistic, like:

Your car is worth $3000 on a trade-in but you still owe $3700 on it. Then your “check engine” light comes on and the service department says you need a $4600 transmission.

Question: How many towels should you throw in?
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 28, 2021

Shout out to my 9yo. Love what you’ve done with the dirty shinguards, they make a beautiful centerpiece for the kitchen table.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 23, 2021

You know what has zero calories and zero carbs? A nap.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 21, 2021

My son just told me that he LOVES the new toy trucks they got at daycare. They are his toy trucks. We donated them because he refused to play with them.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 26, 2021

“Dad isn’t it weird that the word chicken can mean an animal or a type of food?”

– my kid, on the verge of making a horrific realization
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) March 29, 2021

3yo: I love you.
Me: I love you, too.
3yo: I WAS TALKING TO MY BEAR!
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) March 5, 2021

When your vagina snots in your panties and you're like, "What is it, girl? You need some chicken noodle soup??"
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) March 11, 2021

Thoughts and prayers for my 13yo who, when his mother said “we need to have a talk about your grades” (and I’m not exaggerating here) lifted his actual leg and let out a nasty one, and then looked at his mother as if it was a satisfactory response.
It’s been good knowing you son
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) March 19, 2021

Picked my son up from his first day of in-person learning. I asked him how it went.

“My teacher’s bald spot is a lot bigger in person.”
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 18, 2021

Son: I’ve never understood why parents would punish their kid for getting caught smoking by making them smoke a whole pack.

Me: Me either.

Son: bc if you were like that, I’d get caught sleeping with a hooker. Then you’d be all “get in the car son, time to learn your lesson.”
— Sara Buckley (@nottheworstmom) March 3, 2021

Be kind. You never know who’s been battling with a 3rd grader to finish their homework for 4 hours.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) March 7, 2021

First date: Trying not to talk over each other.

Year 12 of marriage: Speaking only in farts.
— Walking Outside in Slippers (@WalkingOutside) March 15, 2021

I don’t like my kid overhearing my work calls due to all the questionable language. No innocent child should be exposed to words like “action item” or “alignment.”
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 8, 2021

And there you have it! A somewhat comprehensive (but not really) list of the funniest parenting related tweets this month. Looking for more? Follow How To Be A Dad on Twitter!