“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”
You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to someone.
My Wife Just Said… #181
“Um… What WAS I saying? Ugh. I don’t even remember, I think all of my brain is leaking out into my pad.” -Elizabeth It’s over 9000° out in sun-stroked California right now. High heat and dehydration make me pretty brainless. It’s as if I’m sweating out my IQ points. Maybe this will result in […]
My Wife Just Said… #179
“I want to cry. But I just don’t have the energy… I’m SO tired of being high maintenance! I didn’t used to be!” -Elizabeth She was misty-eyed and exhausted in my arms. I was sitting there listening, occasionally making quiet, encouraging sounds that said I understood and felt for what she was feeling. When […]
My Wife Just Texted… #177
When you’ve got kids, the art of romance and the business of parenting can be a bit of an odd couple. The “biblical sense” normally refers to “knowing,” as in knowing each others brains out, but running a family can easily burn up all a couple’s time and energy, making it impossible to maintain anywhere […]
My Wife Just Texted… #175
My wife is so considerate. She’s always so polite and dainty like a Victorian lady twirling a parasol. Unless she happens to be wrestling a particularly stubborn pickle jar or battery compartment, then she’s more like a sailor-mouthed ex-con with anger management issues. But mostly it’s pinkies out and poots in private. Too cute. Regarding […]
My Wife just Said… #173
“Your laptop is so filthy, you look homeless… except for the fact that homeless people don’t usually have laptops.” -Elizabeth I fully admit it. It’s kinda true. Sure, I’ve got screen cleaner and wipes and a great joke about how my laptop is a “hipster,” but… still. I’d invest heavily in a company that […]
My Wife just Said… #171
“Okay. Honey! The toilet and I just became best friends. Let’s take it easy on the romance.” -Elizabeth The flower of romance can bloom suddenly in the rays of spontaneity. Or it can hit a very firmly closed bathroom door. There’s a time and place for everything, and sometimes “the mood” needs to take […]
My Wife just Said… #169
“Hey, you wanna? [Winks] I’ve been doing lots of Kegels. So I can be like a ninja down there. Not like grab arrows out of the air…” -Elizabeth I didn’t know whether to feel afraid or aroused, but in any case it’s clear some ninja skills are sexier than others. ““ Previous “My Wife […]
My Wife and Kid Just Said… #167
Wife: “No, I don’t have a penis. I have a vagina.” Son: “A bagina? Where does the pee come out???” Wife: “There’s a… hole.” Son: “In you butt?” Wife: “No, the front… The fluffy part.” Listening to my wife, Lizze, and my youngest son Lucas (5yo), I wanted to laugh […]
My Wife Just Texted??? #165
There are the occasional times when we leave our phones unattended and unlocked. I’m not referring to myself here, since people have joked that my iPhone and earbuds are part of my body’s anatomy, but for other people it happens from time to time. Of those times, mischievous people sometimes get a hold of them. […]
My Wife Just Texted… #163
Sometimes my wife, Lizzie, knows just what to say to me. Even when she doesn’t know it. They say “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” but some ways of getting there are much faster than others. PIZZAAAAAA!!! ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…” Kid faces only a mother could love. Follow […]
