“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”
You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to someone.
My Wife Just Texted… #161
My phone lit up by my side as I was working late. I read the text and knew it probably meant that the part of my 4yo son’s mind that manufactures nightmares was also working late. I made an awwww face as imagined the little guy stumbling with drowsy desperation to our room, to […]
My Wife Just Said… #159
“When they kissed in old movies, it looked like two people fell into each other’s faces and just stopped. And now it looks painful, like they’re trying to eat each other’s faces off.” -Elizabeth Every once in a while my wife and I will turn our heads slowly and exchange looks, in response […]
My Wife Just Said… #157
“Lucas, please! Your penis is not a musical instrument.” -Elizabeth He’s four and a half years old. I’m sure I made a banjo of my twig and berries at that age, too. But still, it’s not an acoustic performance my wife and I are really interested in observing. Though, and I’m not sure how […]
My Wife Just Said… #155
“Um. Can I go out in this?” -Elizabeth There she stood at the front door, posing for me to see. She was wearing colorful, patterned leggings, rain boots, a baggy sweater and a mismatched purse. I frowned as I looked her over and then smiled and said, “Sure!” The fact that I was wearing […]
My Wife Just Said… #153
[Explaining to our littlest son how trees eat] “Well… The roots are like the mouth of the tree… And I guess the leaves are like… the butthole?”” -Elizabeth Maybe my wife isn’t the most knowledgeable gardener, but she’s my absolute favorite gardener. ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…” When your kid is asleep […]
My Wife Just Texted… #151
So it wasn’t my wife who texted me, but I’ll be honest, I actually stared at this for a solid clueless minute before I replied. I guess I was trying to wring some kind of sense out it, like it was some kind of ancient Egyptian scroll of hieroglyphs my wife had written in emojis. […]
My Wife Just Said… #149
“Your snoring last night kept me up for hours. You sounded like a hyena choking on its own snot. Yes you were! I recorded it…” [ Presses play on her phone ] -Elizabeth I watched her nighttime video intently, more importantly I listened to it. Um. So yeah. We’re lucky a neighbor didn’t call […]
My Wife Just Texted… #147
Sometimes emoticons fail to convey the right message at first; even the more graphical, fancy-schmancy emojis can get lost in trans-emoticons-lation. When it comes down to it though, some fails are so hilarious they’re wins. I can’t judge, though. I’ve never hearted the internet age-old convention of <3 because it always looked like a sideways […]
My Wife Just Said… #145
“I always find it odd when I look over at a fully-equipped stroller only to find there’s a dog in it.” -Elizabeth My wife majored in marine biology and used to work at a place that did a bunch of animal rescue and placement, so I’d put her somewhere between animal lover and animal […]
My Wife Just Said… #143
“I do not have too much stuff in my purse. I just need a bigger purse.” -Elizabeth I tilted my head at that one. Then I scratched it. Then I shook it in amazement. She had a good point. I guess. Since becoming a mom, her purses and bags have gotten bigger and bigger […]
