“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”
You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to someone.
My Wife Just Said… #301
Those words, uttered by any human being, male or female, are the clearest indication you’re about to hear something that is not at all funny. And, true to form, it wasn’t. My wife continued on to unload some serious distaste for something that was pretty awful. Once someone says “you know what’s so funny,” you […]
My Wife Just Scolded… #299
She’s absolutely right. And I’m absolutely incapable of stopping, apparently. When our 7-year-old makes fart noises, my laughter is pretty much a completely irresistible stimulus response. In my defense, he is exceptional at it. Like a Mozart of fart noises. It almost defies belief that he can even make such sounds. You see, I’m not […]
My Wife Just Said… #297
Our 7-year-old son has been hopped up on the holiday spirit for weeks now. Being at home, off schedule with family visiting and generally consuming above normal levels sugared goods have all certainly contributed to his state of heightened festivity. Playing, even by himself, somehow turns into a full-contact sport and can sound like a […]
My Wife Just Realized… #295
She went on to say that she thought the world would be a better place if people just wore pajamas all the time. I’m not sure if I agree that’d make a huge difference to the issues humanity faces, but by golly, it seems like it’d be worth a shot. It doesn’t seem like it […]
My Wife Just Said… #293
Nature is great. It’s wonderful. Beautiful. Majestic. But so is sleep. And when Jiminy Cricket crashes your bedroom like a drunken friend stumbling out of an unfortunately instructed Uber ride, fully ready to serenade you with insect dubstep for rest of the night, nature can seem like the worst thing ever. Anyone would rather discover […]
My Wife Just Said… #291
It always happens to her. At some point, she’ll finally get some new bras and underpants where she falls in love with a specific few. Then the brand seems to decide to drop them later and replace them with something that turns out to be scratchy, too stretchy, designed for potatoes or just vaguely lamer […]
My Wife Just Said to Herself… #289
When your wife says something that makes little to negative-eleven sense, a husband would probably do well to simple nod and say, “Ah.” I however made the mistake chose to join in the conversation. She’d said something random about an Amazon order, I think. My bad for thinking she was talking to me, whatever was […]
My Wife Just Said… #287
It really doesn’t seem to make too much sense when you get to Saturday afternoon and you feel like screaming, “Have fun dammit!” Especially if you’re saying it to yourself. Whipping yourself up into a psychotic froth in order to do fun or relaxing things is maybe just an eensy weeny bit counterintuitive, no? A […]
My Wife Just Said… #285
Perhaps there are couples that complete each other’s sentences. Perhaps some pull jinxes all the time; saying the same things or answer the same way, together. Perhaps they put on the same song simultaneously or some such seemingly magical, psychic connection. There certainly are couples who know each other’s idiosyncrasies, preferences and personalities so well […]
My Wife Just Said… #283
No one wants to be that nutty parent with fevered spittle flying off their lips as they scream unheard tips and cheers from the sidelines to their kid. But that doesn’t seem to stop them. It’s hard not to get swept up in the game when your kid is playing, to be so invested that […]
