“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”
You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to someone.
My Wife Just Said Sorry… #281
Marriage is an emotional extreme sport by itself. Add kids into the obstacle course and tensions can run hot. Occasional blowups aren’t a shocker when a stress-abundant and sleep-deficient couple start talking about a touchy topic. Humor has always been the best flame-retardant for us. A sudden ridiculous face with a terrible foreign accent or […]
My Wife Just Sniffed… #279
I’m not sure if all the organic food my family buys seems to go bad faster than non-organic because it actually does or because of the demonic laughter I can hear taunting me from the empty void in my bank account. Whatever the case may be, my wife is a little bit very extremely cautious […]
My Wife Just Wished… #277
Once they have kids, most kid-bearers are acquainted with the resultant hair thinning and slower growth, whether it’s from hormone changes for the mom, male pattern thinning for dad, or frustratedly pulling it out in clumps for both. Men may generally experience more hairlessness than women, but there’s a cruel sort of fake-out double-cross that […]
My Wife Just Used The Mommy Voice… #275
He’d been repeatedly yanking the dog’s tail when they were playing and that can go wrong fast, in a few ways, so we were getting a little fed up with him doing it. She definitely used her “Mommy Voice” on him and he cried mostly out of guilt that he’d done it again and because… […]
My Wife Just Aged… #273
She didn’t want a big deal made about her birthday, she’s not a huge fan of adding years onto her age. Recently a waitress asked our son how old he was and, with the clueless honesty of extreme youth, he told her that he was almost seven, and that he keeps getting older but his […]
My Wife Just Said… #271
I can’t really contradict her. Not when I have days where my zipper was down more than it was up. And, it’s true, there’s also my lovely fart-singing voice. We live in a world where adulthood isn’t the pressed slacks and wingtip shoes it used to be. For a lot of us, now it’s a […]
My Wife Just Yawned… #269
I guess I should be glad that she’s still willing to push through the exhaustion and power-lift her lead-heavy, kryptonite eyelids to stay up with me. Though, honestly, the number of shows episodes and ends of movies we’ve had to rematch because of this has to be in the triple digits now. She doesn’t snore, […]
My Wife (?) Just Texted… #267
Okay. So, my wife gives our six-year-old son her phone every once in a while to watch cartoons or play games on. This fact obviously escaped my thinking when I sent that naughty little pornmoji man. Ehem! Even if he had been the one on his mom’s phone, while I know he wouldn’t have fully […]
My Wife Just Said… #265
He’s always wanted to do things all by himself. At least for the first few times, until they became things that caused paralyzing boredom like cleaning up after himself or tying his own shoes or opening restaurant crayons. He’s never loved us chirping instructions or reminders at him. Who does really? And, it’s 100% useless […]
My Wife Just PMSed… #263
I won’t state my wife’s age because I respect her privacy and value my life. The number doesn’t really matter, though. At widely various ages, women go through hormone changes, on top of the monthly Molotov cocktail whipped up by menstruation. It’s Mother Nature’s pulse-revving, hot flashing “and now for my next trick…” in the […]
