“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”
You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to someone.
My Wife Just Texted… #241
A lot of time we can’t see our own faces and just can’t feel a booger. Unfortunately, most bystanders don’t have the social bravery to walk up and let you know there’s a green troll hanging out at the entrance to one of your nose caves. Awkwaaaaaaard. Boogers are the “open pants zipper” of […]
My Wife Just Texted… #239
They had one slot open for a trial lesson in the gymnastics class. Our 6yo was mildly interested when we explained what it was, that he could learn how to jump and flip and have fun. This was probably fairly meh for him since he could do that anytime, anywhere. I could see there […]
My Wife Just Said… #237
“Can I put ‘peace and quiet’ on my Christmas wish list?” ““Elizabeth “I’m going to get you ‘loudness’ as my present. Heeheeheeheehee!” ““Our 6yo son Halloween just passed by in a whirlwind, and Thanksgiving is looming on the horizon of a pair of pants that won’t fit anymore. As a kid, the end months […]
My Wife Just Texted… #235
We didn’t use the garden hose with the high pressure nozel. And by that I mean, I’m not going to admit to such a thing in a public forum like this post. Kidding. Of course we didn’t fire-hose blast the fluffy, gross weirdo in the face, but man! KAK! We gave it some serious consideration. […]
My Wife Just Self-Diagnosed… #233
“My throat hurts soooooo bad… Maybe it’s cancer.” ““Elizabeth She wasn’t serious, of course. Everyone in the house has gone down with a nasty case of flu-bola. Despite her obvious discomfort, I had to laugh at how she went from 0 to WebMD in under a second. It reminded me of an amazing joke […]
My Wife Just Said… #231
“I don’t have the shopping done for dinner, so we’ve got two options: 1) we can go out to a restaurant, or 2) we can order delivery. But there’s no way I’m going out with my hair like this, so… what would you like to order for delivery?” ““Elizabeth I love how seriously she takes […]
My Wife Just Confessed… #229
“Oh. I never watched Goonies.” ““Elizabeth I just stood there for a moment. Waiting for her to laugh and punch me in the arm. But the laugh never came and the metaphorical punch was only an uppercut to my brain. A moment before my wife dropped this bomb, I’d made a One-Eyed Willy joke and […]
My Wife Just Texted… #227
Yeah, so… sometimes you need to add a banana, not for scale, but for sexy. Or just for laughs. But also still for sexy. #pls #seriously #alsoorganic ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…” Pizza > yogurt, but it’s a messy competition. Follow us on Facebook. It’s the best way to stay connected to us.
My Wife Just… Bought a Dog!?… #225
“We are NOT naming the dog ‘Zombie Laser’!” ““Elizabeth VOTE ON OUR NEW DOG’S NAME BELOW! (No joke) We’ve been talking about getting a family pet for years, and we finally decided to not let our dreams be dreams and JUST DO IT, to get a family dog. We’re getting him today actually! A […]
My Wife Just Said… #223
“Check out my earrings!” Me: Oh, wow. I didn’t even notice them all day. Haha! “Um. Actually, I’ve had these in for week now, honey.” ““Elizabeth I just froze and made that awkward “I’m a bad person” face, but she let me off the hook with a casual laugh. I thanked her for not doing […]
