“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”
You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to someone.
My Wife Just Whisper-Screamed… #221
“I have a really bad boob itch! Hug me!” [Hugs me and goes postal on her left breast between us] ““Elizabeth We were sitting next to each other in a nice restaurant. Our plates lay before us devastated as we chatted over the soft music playing in the background. Her eyes went wide while I […]
My Wife Just Said… #219
“Your son just invented an imaginary friend… to blame his farts on.” ““Elizabeth His name is Pete, apparently. And he doesn’t play or tell stories or fly or save the world. He just farts. It was him, that’s who farted. Not our son (who just ate half his bodyweight in strawberries). Pete might not be […]
My Wife Just Said… #217
“After that episode of Game of Thrones I need to watch some Little House on the Prairie.” ““Elizabeth We’re addicted to Game of Thrones. A LOT of people are. (Fear not, this is all spoiler-free.) It’s is an intense series, but it’s definitely not for everyone. Any given show can easily get the beefiest lumberjack […]
My Wife DIDN’T Just Say… #215
[wife’s ringtone plays] Me: “Heeeeyyyyy, sexy pants.” My 5yo son: “Daddy?” Me: [coughs] “Oh hey there, little guy!” ““Lucas (aka Not My Wife) The phone can no longer be trusted, I have no assurances it’s actually going to be my wife anymore. Even during a school day I now have to wonder, maybe he left […]
My Wife Just Said… #213
“Your dog is so cute! It’s scary how cute your dog is.” -Elizabeth We were strolling along the shops and restaurants of the main street in Old Towne. Suddenly, my wife gasps and my heart does a belly flop, thinking the lad fell or there was a vicious wasp strafing us. Nope. Just a […]
My Wife Just Said… #211
“Remember when you proposed?” [sighs] “And you got down on your hands and knees…WAIT! I mean your KNEE!“ -Elizabeth Someone was able to capture the reaction, but unfortunately there is no photo evidence that I was only on my knee to ask for her hand. After she caught her word slip, we both exploded […]
My Wife Just Said… #209
“To kids, everything is allowed until someone says it’s not allowed.” [to our son] “Hey, honey! That’s not allowed.” -Elizabeth As parent’s we’re the “supposed to” and “not allowed” police for our kids. They don’t tend to see or care about the bad in a lot of ideas they have. Whacking a bush full […]
My Wife Just Said… #207
“I’m thinking about dying my hair. Or should I just leave it? Gray is the new black, right?” -Elizabeth Fresh out of the shower and looking fierce. My wife just got a pixie cut again and before you read any further YES I GOT PERMISSION FROM MY WIFE TO POST THIS PICTURE. Sure, I […]
My Wife Just Said… #205
“Have a safe flight!” -Elizabeth She says it every time I travel. Lots of peolpe do. It’s kind of just… what’s said. Like people saying “How’s it going.” as a sort of greeting without it really being an actual inquiry into how your day or life is going. It’s something that’s said to say […]
My Wife Just Said… #203
“I bought roller skates for myself. But they’re men’s. The women’s were pink and white and I didn’t want to feel 9 years old.” -Elizabeth Every single person who has ever lived, has lived in a “new world.” It’s always changing, always has, and always will. The concepts of stereotypes, gender roles, adulthood, language, […]
