“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”
You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to someone.
My Wife Just Said… #201
“I thought I had a big head, until I met you. Uhhhh… that didn’t come out right.” -Elizabeth While the words that came out of her mouth were a little foot-flavored, they happen to be true. All my sons have big noggins, too. In fact, all the men in my family line seem to […]
My Wife Just FaceTimed… #199
“Whoa! My GOD! FaceTime makes me look so OLD.” -Elizabeth My wife, of course, went into immediate pouty-lipped facial poses and Blue Steel looks. Which in turn, and also of course, had me choke laughing. Most women have certain standards for the way they look in pictures or on camera. It can take just […]
My Wife Just Said… #197
[ To our 5yo son ] “It is Daddy’s birthday today, but no he’s not turning 10. Well… it just seems like he’s 10 years old.” -Elizabeth It’s my vaginal-launch anniversary today. However, since Monday isn’t the most convenient day to celebrate a birthday or… well, anything… I spent the past weekend having various […]
My Wife Just Said… #195
Wife: “You love me, right?” Me: “Yeeeeeah?” Wife: “And you’ll forgive me, right?” Me: “Uh-oh, what’re you gonna do?” [Wife presses play on her workout music] -Elizabeth She knows that I have an extreme allergy to her workout “music.” My 5yo son will come up to me with a big devilish grin and tell […]
My Wife Just Texted… #193
My wife and I share a passion for sales. We don’t claim to be pros, we’re more like face-painted and foam-finger wielding fans. No, our pillows aren’t stuffed with expired coupons, our use of eBay isn’t like a government intelligence agency, and we’re not thrift shop tag-poppin’ junkies (yet), but if someone puts a BIG […]
My Wife Just Texted… #191
A classic example of a “teacher” writing to a parent about the vital need for a child to bone up on video games. Look it’s even got two bold exclamation points!! Totally legit. When little kids fake messages from their teacher or from one parent to the other or from an imaginary pony, it’s […]
My Wife Just Said… #189
“Are you okay there with him? Can you look after him while you work?” -Elizabeth Obviously my answer was, yes. Yes, I could look after him. When you’re doing some of your work from home, or doing the things around the house that sure as hell aren’t going to do themselves, kids never make […]
My Wife Just Said… #187
“[Blah blah blah blah blah blah] …can you tell I’ve been alone too much today.” -Elizabeth I was listening the whole time. The whooooooole time. Which was a really long time. I swear was listening, though! I’m not saying I didn’t run my hand through my hair or rub the bridge of my nose […]
My Wife Just Loud Voice Said… #185
“That wasn’t yelling, that was loud voice talking.” -Elizabeth No one wants to feel like the crappiest parent ever, but you’d think parents adored feeling that way if you judged by how often we seem to go to there. In raising kids, sometimes the pressure mounts, nerves get frayed, limits get hit, and we […]
My Wife Just Screamed… #183
“Tonight we are having pork chops with apricot glaze seared and roasted in a cast iron skillet [grabs cast iron skillet] AAAUUUUUGGGGHHH!!! Can you hand me an ice pack, honey?” -Elizabeth When deciding on a family dinner, some people decide to go all out, preparing a full-on gourmet meal with multiple sides of fancy-schmancy. […]
