Baby Sleep Positions: “Roll-On Deodorant”
[ click the image to enlarge ] Even non-parents who hold babies like they were ticking bombs will admit that the little wiggly jigglies smell like fresh-baked rainbows. But any fragrance can be made into a funk-grance with the wrong additives. I think the poet Keats once wrote, “Even a flower’s sweetest whiff wilts in […]
Parent Service Announcement: Clowns
Most everyone is familiar with Public Service Announcements (PSAs). Back in the ’50s they taught useful things like ducking down and covering your head with your arms to ensure survival from an atomic blast, or that women are a distracting and deadly menace to the workplace… um… okay, those were probably horrifically misleading, but later […]
Amazing Depeche Mode Cover from a Dad and His Kids
I cannot even believe this. This is amazing. A kazoo even? My God. Even if you’re not a fan of or familiar with Depeche Mode’s Everything Counts, it’s okay. This is sung in the international language of Rad, in the key of WEEEEEEEEE. If your brain doesn’t melt, your heart will. Or both. If neither […]
My Kid Just Called… #35
“Just come home, Dad. [not Daddy!] The cwock says 20:30. Come home now fwom yo twip. Okay good, see you soon, bye.” [Click] -Lucas (2013, 4.5 years old) I was in Mississippi on the last day of a short work-caytion. I talked to the little lad multiple times each day, but he was still […]
“Doctor” : Convos With My 2-Year-Old
Most physicians will say things like, “tell me if this hurts.” Kids will tell you when to say it hurts and when to say it doesn’t hurt. Whether it does or not in actuality. They know best when they’re trying to fix you. So, shush your face. I think kids are generally sweet-natured, but throw […]
Wiping the Slate Clean
When you become a parent, there are certain things you anticipate and others that even Dr. Seuss couldn’t have even begun to imagine. You look forward to holding your baby and hearing their voice. You wonder about the foods they might prefer or which Star Wars character they’ll identify with most. Fantasize about how they […]
My Wife Just Said… #137
“You’re going to let me buy that cheesy, light-up lawn decoration because you love me. And because the lad loves it.” -Elizabeth Double whammy. Love can be a very powerful bargaining chip. But the crappiness of some holiday decorations can overwhelm even the most passionate hearts. ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…” What bowling […]
Snowman Building by Child Age
Babies are really terrible at making stuff. Unless it’s poop or pee, or making us smile and never sleep. So their first snowmen will require quite a bit of parental assembly. Some people wonder why parents do this for their babies (birthdays and snowmen and such), hinting that it’s all really just for the parents. […]
Daddy Vader Says… Defend Yourself
Even if parents can’t wield the Force to deliver wedgies or noogies or zerbers from across a long dining table, kids need to be taught that they should be on their guard at all times. The way you teach them this is by delivering sneak-attack tickles, wedgies, noogies or zerbers. They’ll pick it up right […]
My Kid Just Said… #34
“Dis dinner tastes wike horse.” -Lucas (2013, 4 years old) It was an insult so innocent and random that it wasn’t at all insulting; if it even was intended as a complaint. He made it sound like it was a positive thing. Unfortunately for my wife, our laughter was loud and long enough that […]
