Parenterms: “Douchebaguette”
They exist. Douchebaguettes. The B word is rough, though. And the C word is just wall-to-wall taboo unless you’re Irish and referring to another man, in which case it can count as breathing with sound. When you have kids, there’s a mental censor that tends to go into play, even if you’re a d*mned total […]
Cooties Epidemic Breaking News
Daybreak, the world sits on the edge of its seat, anxiously chewing its collective hand-sanitized fingernails for news of some breakthrough, some hope, as outbreaks of the cooties virus continue to sweep across the U.S. Yesterday the National Guard finished shutting down all schools, parks, playgrounds and ball pits; a massive effort to slow the […]
What if mice actually looked like Mickey Mouse?
Think about it. What if animal cartoon characters were accurate representations, meaning that animals actually looked like their famous cartoon characters? I’ve started with what is arguably the most globally recognized character. A mouse. With the help of Photoshop, way too many stolen hours of sleep, and my warped mind, we can all take a […]
My Wife Just Said… #121
“Okay, so apparently I can’t say my own son’s name correctly today.” -Umm… uhh… Elizabeth Side effects of becoming a parent can include periodically being unable to properly pronounce or remember the names of your own children, spouse, famous celebrities, the President, and in extreme cases, your own name. ““ Previous “My Wife Just […]
Kid Definishons: “Poobles”
When you hear the word “poo” in association with your kid being in the bathtub, you just kind of tense up and slowly peer over the edge to scan for the surprise of a floating “tub toy” that wasn’t there before. Luckily, it was just an underwater bathtub fart, and the little mer-kid is only […]
My Wife Just Farted… #120
[Farts] “Whoops! Well. My mom always said, ‘Better out than in.’” -Elizabeth Sage advice. No one wants to fartsplode. ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…” A pregnant woman should never be denied the right to complain. Follow us on Facebook. It’s the best way to stay connected to us.
The Fart Chart
Everyone poops. Fact. But before they do, they fart. Anyways, like them or not, they’re here to stay. Well… hopefully not too long actually. You see, holding in your gas can be vital in some circumstances: first dates, once in a lifetime elevator pitches, second dates, epic sports moments, third dates, acceptance speeches, etc., but […]
The Pickiest Eaters in the History of Ever
Kids are like a test. One that you can’t really pass. You just sort of go through it chewing on your pencil, sweat beading on your forehead. You’re looking around at the other students (parents) and seeing if you can’t catch a glimpse at their answers. But then you see their foreheads glistening with the […]
2 Rubber Bands + 2 Babies = Giggles for Everyone
It was one of those days. Really rough. So rough, my rough day graduated into rough tomorrow because it just wasn’t through with me yet. Fugh. “Yeah yeah, we all have those days.” Okay, I’ll stop whining and get to the point. I watched this video and it all seemed less sucky all of the […]
Parenterms: “Pajdrama”
Parents know: you can lead a horse* to water**, but you can’t make them drink***. * kid ** bed *** sleep Trying to saddle up the stubborn little pony that is your child with pajamas is occasionally only a little bit less impossible than getting them to close their eyes and go to “for reals” […]
