Bad Product Idea #13: The Mommequin
Kids never leave you alone when they’re yours. If you want alone-time, you’re really fighting a ridiculously losing battle. But now they don’t have to leave “you” alone. What if you could be present when you just really need to be absent? Now you can! With the purchase and set up a life-sized robotic figure, […]
My Wife Just Said… #111
“Hey! You married me.”-Elizabeth She did or said something that didn’t exactly make you click your heels. Watch out, the statement above is beautifully dangerous. It’s like one of those crazy knot-tying jobs that look like an evil funnel cake and tighten up the more you struggle. Don’t struggle. You did marry her. So try […]
Gas Rant
This is actually a thing for me. I’ve had nightmares. I am not joking. If my wife even mentions the word “gas” my hand will break the sound barrier being held up in a quivering halt gesture, whereupon I will inform her that she is not allowed to continue speaking unless the conversation is about […]
Lie Detection Tips for Parents
If you think your kid is not a liar and has never lied, then let me be the first to inform you that you have a very, very crafty liar on your hands. Or you may be really dumb. Hey! Don’t be upset, lots and lots of people are dumb these days, bazillions of ’em […]
My Wife just Said… #109
“…Maybe I need stitches, the cut is really deep! Can you just sew me up?” [Level stare] “I’m a mom with four tattoos. I can deal with the pain.” -Elizabeth For being such a hypochondriac every so often, my wife can sometimes be a real Mombro. Except without the Stallone slur. Thank goodness. P.S. […]
My Kid Just Said… #24
“Thomas da Twain has a penis!” -Lucas (2013, 3.5 years old) Mommies have a not-penis (aka bajina). Daddies have a penis (aka a not-jina). And twains ::ehem:: trains apparently do, too? Listening to a young child explain who’s got what or who doesn’t is pretty much the best reality TV show that will never and […]
The “Hm” Scale of Women
Women probably have an “Uh” scale like The “Uh” Scale of Men I showed you last week, but repetition can be pretty boring. So I’ve chosen this Hm scale to demonstrate how the length and tone of a spoken word/sound can change its meaning. Especially for women. Why especially for women? The varied meanings of […]
My Kid Just Said… #22
“You taste like a clean pretzel.” -Finn (April 2013, 3.5 years old) This was after my son licked his mama’s face… First, what? Second, what does a dirty pretzel taste like? Third, how does my son know the difference? So many stories to get to the bottom of… ““ Previous My Kid Just Said Love […]
The “Uh” Scale of Men
Even if we never really think about it, we all know words can mean different things by the way they’re said. Don’t believe me? Okayyyyyyy. See? Not only did I acknowledge your response, I also said, “How many times were you dropped on your head as a child, you moron.” I’m not sure why nobody […]
Men Simulating Childbirth, Always a Bad Idea
WARNING: THIS POST MAY CONTAIN DISTURBING FOOLISHNESS AND GROWN MAN MOANING Video footage of women in labor can be unsettling or disturbing to some, the same is true of footage of two cocky, Dutch guys trying to experience the miracle of childbirth by having electrodes strapped to their abs and simulating two hours […]
