My Kid Just Said… #16
“If I twist my penis, I can fwy up in da sky.” -Lucas (3 years old) Get to da choppah? My first response to this statement was… a lot of silence, followed by a lot of hrghnck (the strangled sound of poorly-restrained uncontrollable laughter). I was reminded of bits in cartoons where characters used their […]
Senior vs. Baby
C’mon. It’s true. No disrespect to the elderly (or babies)! We’ve all got parents, or grandparents, that are old””except for Ryan Seacrest maybe, I’m still not convinced he’s human even if I can’t prove it. Don’t talk to me about his bellybutton, it was probably surgically added later. But I digress! Admittedly, being elderly has […]
New Year’s Deep Thought
If you had a rough year, just remember: Tomorrow eats today and poops out yesterday. Thanks to everyone for making it less rough for us. Happy New Year! -Charlie & Andy
My Kid Just Said… #14
[Christmas morning] “Whu’s dat? A pwesent? Fo MEEE??? Whu’s in it?” [1 minute later] “I can’t open da wapping. It keeps wipping. Oh WOOK! TWAINS!!!” [.0001 seconds later] “I wead da ‘stwuctions and you buiwd it, okay, Daddy?” [100 minutes or so later] “It’s not wook wight, Daddy. Hewe ya go. You can have da […]
Pac-Man Christmas Wishes
May your holidays be loaded with power pellets, bouncing fruit and joy…sticks? Nom nom nom, Charlie & Andy ““ Facebook Arcade Game? Imagine what a quarter-gobbling black hole Facebook would be if it were. Instructional Diagrams Learning, minus all the learning, but plus all the fun.
My Wife Just Said… #91
“I did one of those purchases. Where it turns out it’s the wrong thing but I just can’t bring myself to tell them so I buy it anyway. So yeah. It was a Christmas album. And yeah, I’ll be returning it later.” -Elizabeth ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
The Age Guessing Wheel of Misfortune
Generally speaking, women don’t tend to be hardcore fans of the word “old,” or even “older.” So, to play it safe, I’ll avoid using the words at all here. Also, my wife reads my posts and to be honest I hate being responsible for making her cry. I’m also pretty partial to my testicles remaining […]
Christmas Tree Decorating by Child Age
Our lives go through a lot of transformations when we have kids. Body, mind and soul. And home. And car. And bank account. You either know this already, or can easily imagine. In the beginning, Baby’s First Christmas can launch holiday excitement into the psychotisphere. “Extra efforts” aren’t made, “extreme measures” are taken. New parents […]
My Wife Just Said… #89
“Oh! Quickscratchmyback! Left! Down! No UP! THERE!!! YES!!! Kill! Torture! Mame! Destroy! Ahhhhhhhhhh. Thanks.” -Elizabeth ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
How to Raise a Hobbit
I’ve written this brief How-To guide for my fellow fanatics, who have or plan to have kids, to raise their human children as hobbits. Why, you ask? I loved The Hobbit before I even read it. It was like I was born under the enchantment of its magical spell. Reading it in my teens only […]
