Thank you public toilet designer…
Dear public toilet designer, Thank you for developing a toilet that, when flushed, instantly sounds like a jet breaking the sound barrier. Thank you for adding a year to potty training. Thank you for scaring a year off my kid’s life. Thank you for teaching my kid that all of my reassurances that “it’s safe” […]
Whorlloween Costume Epic Battles
Some people love ’em. Some people hate ’em. I’m talking about all the hyper sexy costumes at seasonal Halloween pop-up stores and costume shops. Remember when it was witches and fairies and princesses? One thing’s for sure, we’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto. So, I’ve decided to put together a showdown! Vote for the sexiest, […]
My Kid Just Said… #11
[hands behind back ] “I do NOT hab poop on my fingews.” -Lucas (2012, 3 years old) “Whuchoo got behind your back there?” (sniff) “Uhhh… What’s that smell?” There are some lies you hear that instantly tell you the truth. When someone says they don’t mean to sound a certain way or offend, you know […]
My Wife Just Said… #81
“You know there’s a problem when your son, who is a toddler, is telling you to calm down.” -Elizabeth ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
Safety from Children: Impact Probability Chart
It’s a Murphy’s Law of sorts. What can make an impact on a Peril Zone, will… reeeeally hard. Not every time, of course, but that’s what this chart is for, to show you the likelihood of impact, and where. Instances of board-books that weigh as much as a manhole cover making a “direct hit” are […]
Charlie Brown & Halloween PB&Js of the Heart
When we grow up, we tie some of the things we experience together; associations. Things that will forever remind us of other things later. They’re little peanut butter and jelly sandwiches of the heart. For me, the peanut butter I’m talking about is Halloween and the jelly is It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown. […]
How Kids Defend Against Loud Sounds
Fire engine sirens, jackhammers, alarms, elevator musak, oh my! It doesn’t matter what it is. Loud or awful sounds can freak a kid out. And every kid has their various ways of responding and even defending against these things. Here’s Lucas (3yo) holding up his toy tool box, demonstrating the Arm Muff technique as a […]
My Kid Just Said… #10
[Watching Jurassic Park] “Why do da dinosaurs make da jelly come out of da man?” -Cody (2002, 4 years old) In this case, of course, “jelly” refers to the fountain of spurting blood and by “man” he’s referring to the guy who was just bitten in half. Okay. So… sometimes you make mistakes as a […]
My Wife Just Called… #79
“Maybe later tonight I can give you a [ehem]J. Mmm-hmm. … Okay, bye, gotta go to the bathroom now!” [hangs up] -Elizabeth ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
Ruining Baby Names, One Suggestion at a Time
“Hey!!! How about [name that you will now probably not choose because I just suggested it].” When you start telling people you’re having a baby, certain things are going to inevitably happen. It’s like a chain reaction that is as certain and frothy as dropping a sleeve of Mentos headlong into a bottle of Diet […]
