She. Is. MINE!!!
It all started out so subtly that it was probably already happening and we didn’t even notice. A sad face from Lucas. A pissed off frown and a pouty lip. Maybe we just wrote it off to some intense toddler farting in the beginning. Soon though, a pretty recognizable pattern started forming. I’d give Lizzie […]
My Wife Just Said… #24
“You do realize, because of your iPhone Facebook app, I see your forehead more than your eyes.” -Elizabeth
Two Beds, or Not Two Beds…
Two beds, or not two beds, that is the question. To sleep separately, perchance to dream… I’m a side sleeper. At least that’s how I fall asleep. Apparently the way I land and spend the rest of the night is a more varied and active endeavor. Lizzie has informed me repeatedly that I actually sleep […]
My Wife Just Said… #22
“Hello?” [on her cellphone] “Oh! I’m calling you. Uh. And you’re right in front of me. I need some sleep.”-Elizabeth
Brain Failure on Aisle 9!
When I go shopping, something happens. I enter some magical space-time distortion, where time oozes and store aisles and racks shift around like the stairs at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, along with accompanying little goblins that move around the products I’m looking for in some kind of demonic three-card monte of retail. The […]
Being a Ninja in the Bedroom
This may not be about what you think. It does not refer to making love to your wife without her even knowing it or using smoke bombs and rappelling ropes to liven up your marriage. This is about the art of slipping undetected into a bed with a sleeping wife or wife and baby. To […]
Go, Team Weird, Go!
I love being weird. And I love how weird my family is. I love my wife snatching my hand while I’m driving to use my finger as a microphone while lip-syncing to Barbra Streisand. Or when she says to me “Chocky wocky ‘n’ pom pom?” The fact that I know exactly what she means makes […]
Easter Bunny: Not A Voracious Child-Gobbling Monster
Here’s a quick recap of our Easter experience, before the Internet’s ruthlessly short attention span makes it irrelevant and uninteresting. My father-in-law made reservations at a nice restaurant. He’s rad. When we walked into the place, he got even radder. Fountains, pillars, marble floors, this was gonna be yummy! Lizzie whispers to me “Oh, by […]
