My Wife Just Texted… #247
She was watching Jimmy Fallon clips on YouTube one night, and immediately texted me about deforesting my face. I won’t call my wife a germophobe… because she’ll probably read this, so let’s just say she’s… incredibly hygiene-friendly. So, her horrified reaction at seeing something about poop-infused facial hair was no shocker. I promised her I […]
My Wife Just Said… #245
[Whispering] “I’m so sorry. He said he reeeeeally wanted Monopoly.” ““Elizabeth She said this after he tore off the wrapping paper and gasped with joy. I mouthed, “You owe me.” We both totally knew that I was the one who was going to be playing it with him. And by playing it with him, […]
My Wife Just Said… #243
My Wife: “Tell Han Solo I love him.” Me: “I know.” My Wife: “I hate you.” Me: “I know.” You might not believe this. WE can’t fully believe it! My partner in crime, Charlie, and I are going to the RED CARPET WORLD PREMIERE OF Star Wars: The Force Awakens!!! AT around 5pm PST! […]
My Wife Just Texted… #241
A lot of time we can’t see our own faces and just can’t feel a booger. Unfortunately, most bystanders don’t have the social bravery to walk up and let you know there’s a green troll hanging out at the entrance to one of your nose caves. Awkwaaaaaaard. Boogers are the “open pants zipper” of […]
My Wife Just Texted… #239
They had one slot open for a trial lesson in the gymnastics class. Our 6yo was mildly interested when we explained what it was, that he could learn how to jump and flip and have fun. This was probably fairly meh for him since he could do that anytime, anywhere. I could see there […]
My Wife Just Said… #237
“Can I put ‘peace and quiet’ on my Christmas wish list?” ““Elizabeth “I’m going to get you ‘loudness’ as my present. Heeheeheeheehee!” ““Our 6yo son Halloween just passed by in a whirlwind, and Thanksgiving is looming on the horizon of a pair of pants that won’t fit anymore. As a kid, the end months […]
My Wife Just Texted… #235
We didn’t use the garden hose with the high pressure nozel. And by that I mean, I’m not going to admit to such a thing in a public forum like this post. Kidding. Of course we didn’t fire-hose blast the fluffy, gross weirdo in the face, but man! KAK! We gave it some serious consideration. […]
My Wife Just Self-Diagnosed… #233
“My throat hurts soooooo bad… Maybe it’s cancer.” ““Elizabeth She wasn’t serious, of course. Everyone in the house has gone down with a nasty case of flu-bola. Despite her obvious discomfort, I had to laugh at how she went from 0 to WebMD in under a second. It reminded me of an amazing joke […]
My Wife Just Said… #231
“I don’t have the shopping done for dinner, so we’ve got two options: 1) we can go out to a restaurant, or 2) we can order delivery. But there’s no way I’m going out with my hair like this, so… what would you like to order for delivery?” ““Elizabeth I love how seriously she takes […]
My Wife Just Confessed… #229
“Oh. I never watched Goonies.” ““Elizabeth I just stood there for a moment. Waiting for her to laugh and punch me in the arm. But the laugh never came and the metaphorical punch was only an uppercut to my brain. A moment before my wife dropped this bomb, I’d made a One-Eyed Willy joke and […]
