My Wife Just Said… #157
“Lucas, please! Your penis is not a musical instrument.” -Elizabeth He’s four and a half years old. I’m sure I made a banjo of my twig and berries at that age, too. But still, it’s not an acoustic performance my wife and I are really interested in observing. Though, and I’m not sure how […]
My Wife Just Said… #155
“Um. Can I go out in this?” -Elizabeth There she stood at the front door, posing for me to see. She was wearing colorful, patterned leggings, rain boots, a baggy sweater and a mismatched purse. I frowned as I looked her over and then smiled and said, “Sure!” The fact that I was wearing […]
My Wife Just Said… #153
[Explaining to our littlest son how trees eat] “Well… The roots are like the mouth of the tree… And I guess the leaves are like… the butthole?”” -Elizabeth Maybe my wife isn’t the most knowledgeable gardener, but she’s my absolute favorite gardener. ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…” When your kid is asleep […]
My Wife Just Texted… #151
So it wasn’t my wife who texted me, but I’ll be honest, I actually stared at this for a solid clueless minute before I replied. I guess I was trying to wring some kind of sense out it, like it was some kind of ancient Egyptian scroll of hieroglyphs my wife had written in emojis. […]
My Wife Just Said… #149
“Your snoring last night kept me up for hours. You sounded like a hyena choking on its own snot. Yes you were! I recorded it…” [ Presses play on her phone ] -Elizabeth I watched her nighttime video intently, more importantly I listened to it. Um. So yeah. We’re lucky a neighbor didn’t call […]
My Wife Just Said… #145
“I always find it odd when I look over at a fully-equipped stroller only to find there’s a dog in it.” -Elizabeth My wife majored in marine biology and used to work at a place that did a bunch of animal rescue and placement, so I’d put her somewhere between animal lover and animal […]
My Wife Just Said… #143
“I do not have too much stuff in my purse. I just need a bigger purse.” -Elizabeth I tilted my head at that one. Then I scratched it. Then I shook it in amazement. She had a good point. I guess. Since becoming a mom, her purses and bags have gotten bigger and bigger […]
My Wife Just Said… #141
“My hands are fah-reeeeezing! Oh wow. Your balls are so warm!!! Don’t jump away! Oh please let me warm my hands on your balls?” -Elizabeth Um. Okay so yeah… WOW! That’ll take you from tired to light-speed wakefulness like nothing else! Even if you’re in a coma. Or dead. Notes to self: 1) never […]
My Wife Just Said… #139
“What am I making for dinner tonight? Reservations.” -Elizabeth When a single day feels like a week, it’s like you’ve practically earned the right to not cook six times over, right? In these cases, it’s really just best for everyone’s health if the chef’s special for dinner is takeout or reservations at a restaurant. […]
My Wife Just Said… #137
“You’re going to let me buy that cheesy, light-up lawn decoration because you love me. And because the lad loves it.” -Elizabeth Double whammy. Love can be a very powerful bargaining chip. But the crappiness of some holiday decorations can overwhelm even the most passionate hearts. ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…” What bowling […]
