The Generosity of Kids Is… Overwhelming
You pour soooooo much into your kids. I don’t mean food, but yeah, there is that. I mean your love, your sleep, your energy (what there is left of it), your sweat, your tears. As if by instinct, you don’t really do so with any expectation of anything in return. That isn’t to say that […]
I Turn My Head for Just One Week
I’ll never forgive myself. Or the Universe. I was gone for a week. Just one week! I’m in his room playing and he just said “those” instead of “dozes.” One Day Earlier Lugging my bags to the curb, I met my family with a mountain range of a smile set against the gray sky of […]
My Kid Just Said… #18
“NO, DADDY! You NOT take a picture of me aaaaaany more!” -Lucas (2013, 3.5 years old) There is camera shyness, and then there’s ohpleasestopit-ness about being photographed or videoed. Some of us can really can be obnoxious Mama- and Papa-razzi with our kids. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with occasionally staging things so a […]
My Kid Just Said… #16
“If I twist my penis, I can fwy up in da sky.” -Lucas (3 years old) Get to da choppah? My first response to this statement was… a lot of silence, followed by a lot of hrghnck (the strangled sound of poorly-restrained uncontrollable laughter). I was reminded of bits in cartoons where characters used their […]
My Kid Just Said… #14
[Christmas morning] “Whu’s dat? A pwesent? Fo MEEE??? Whu’s in it?” [1 minute later] “I can’t open da wapping. It keeps wipping. Oh WOOK! TWAINS!!!” [.0001 seconds later] “I wead da ‘stwuctions and you buiwd it, okay, Daddy?” [100 minutes or so later] “It’s not wook wight, Daddy. Hewe ya go. You can have da […]
My Kid Just Interrupted… #13
[Talking at dinner, our 3yo interrupts] Lucas: “Mouskerdee MOUSKERDOOOOOO!!!” Lizzie: “Lucas, we’re talki””” Lucas: “Wus DAT!?!” Me: “It’s turkey, man. C’mon, we’re talkin””” Lucas: “I do NOT wike it!” Lizzie: “Yes, it’s a different kind, but it’s still turk””” Lucas: “I pooping in my underwear.” Lizzie: “Come here, let me check.” [She pulls open his […]
He never let go of my thumb…
The Noobie He’s only three years old. He’d never been trick-or-treating. So, it was excusable that Lucas was supremely deficient in the Clue Department when it came to Halloween. When I asked him what he was going to be, he put on his low, gruff serious voice and laughed, saying, “Ho ho nooooo, Daddy!” as […]
My Kid Just Said… #11
[hands behind back ] “I do NOT hab poop on my fingews.” -Lucas (2012, 3 years old) “Whuchoo got behind your back there?” (sniff) “Uhhh… What’s that smell?” There are some lies you hear that instantly tell you the truth. When someone says they don’t mean to sound a certain way or offend, you know […]
My Wife Just Said… #77
“Soooooo, I’m slightly freaking out… Why? Because Lucas just ate POOP!!! Well, no he didn’t EAT it – like a chunk of it – but he had his hands jammed in his mouth and I found poo all over them.” -Elizabeth ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
My Kid Just Said… #6
[Lucas (3yo) looking at a picture of himself] “Da’s Wucas!” Me: “No, you’re supposed to say ‘that’s me.’” [long pause accompanied by scrunchy nose of disapproval] “No, Daddy! It not yooOooOooOU! It WUCAS!” -Lucas Dad, you sound like you think you know what you’re talking about, but I do not think that you do. I […]
