My Kid Just Said… #29
“I married to Mommy.” No no, being married is when a boy and a girl meet and decide to spend the rest of their lives together. “Yes… I married to Mommy.” -Lucas (4 years old) Touché, kid. Tou-friggin-ché. Go get me a tissue, will ya? ““ Previous My Kid Just Said Blood keeps your kid […]
My Wife Just Said… #111
“Hey! You married me.”-Elizabeth She did or said something that didn’t exactly make you click your heels. Watch out, the statement above is beautifully dangerous. It’s like one of those crazy knot-tying jobs that look like an evil funnel cake and tighten up the more you struggle. Don’t struggle. You did marry her. So try […]
My Wife Just Said… #108
“Do I look like I’m dead when I sleep?” [Outrageous laughter] [Silence…] “So, do I?” -Elizabeth ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…”Thank you crappy drivers. Follow us on Facebook. It’s the best way to stay connected to us.
Parent Sex Pro Tip: Toys
There’s good advice and there’s bad advice. And then there’s advice that’s so weird and confusing, you don’t know which one it is. One thing that’s certain is that sex deprivation, the lame prize in the cereal box of parenthood, can often make even the worst advice seem plausible. Or something. Maybe. ““ Follow us […]
My Wife Just Said… #105
“You want to know where I put it? Hmmmm… I’m not sure. Somewhere! At least we know I put it somewhere.” -Elizabeth ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…”Paging Doctor Mommy. Follow us on Facebook. It’s the best way to stay connected to us.
Take a Stroll with Me (A Wedding Poem)
I know it’s not Shakespeare or Poe. Worse than that, I know it’s basically crappy High School poetry that should have stars and hearts penciled in around its margins, and I’ve resisted an itching temptation to edit it or improve it before sharing it, but I can’t. It’s my poetry, for my wife, and that […]
Bring on the Pie
Dick Bushman, Parent Sex Expert, is back to solve your married-with-or-without-children woes. Many of you tried my Evite for sex trick (you’re welcome), but some of you stepped up to the plate, swung, and struck out. Dear Mr. Bushman, I sent my wife an Evite Tuesday morning, and not only did she RSVP, but she […]
My Wife Belongs in the Kitchen…
… telling me to do the dishes and housework. It is written that the Olympics actually began in an ancient Greek household. A man and wife had just birthed a young Greek named Nagmeon. Within a fortnight, the two were screaming at each other over who had changed more grape leaf diapers than the other, […]
The Age Guessing Wheel of Misfortune
Generally speaking, women don’t tend to be hardcore fans of the word “old,” or even “older.” So, to play it safe, I’ll avoid using the words at all here. Also, my wife reads my posts and to be honest I hate being responsible for making her cry. I’m also pretty partial to my testicles remaining […]
My Wife Just Said… #89
“Oh! Quickscratchmyback! Left! Down! No UP! THERE!!! YES!!! Kill! Torture! Mame! Destroy! Ahhhhhhhhhh. Thanks.” -Elizabeth ““ Previous “My Wife Just Said…”
