Ninja Parent Lessons: The Fists of the Octopus
Most people don’t realize, just by being parents, how many steps they’ve already travelled on the path of the ninja. There are so many trials and tasks and skills necessary to becoming a true master that are simply common, everyday demands of being a mother or father. Above is but a glimpse of one part […]
Old Timey Self-Defense Video + SOUND EFFECTS = Radness!
When I was growing up, I got a false sense of likelihood about child abduction and attacks. With all the TV shows and PSAs that warned about it, I figured every one in my school would be kidnapped or assaulted at one point or another. I’m not saying education isn’t important. My parents tended to […]
Ninja Parent Lessons: The Drunken Cobra
A baby can be like a drunken cobra, that is they would be, if snakes had a habit of irresponsibly drinking way too much sake and then going on a rampage. A baby’s finger and toe nails are sharper than samurai swords, and their coordination and aim? Worse than a government’s. Wobbly and unpredictable, an […]
Going to the Bathroom Like a Ninja
Going to the bathroom with a youngling is never the wisest decision, but the functions of your body and the circumstances of life are just as much never concerned with things like wisdom or decision. Especially after you drink several pots of tea or coffee. So, the cruel fates of parenthood may place you in […]
Bruce Lee, On Parenting
People think that Bruce Lee’s famous “Be like water” quote was his philosophical view on fighting an opponent. Think again! I propose that he was actually talking about being a parent! Ah HA! Okay, so maybe your mind isn’t blown by this revelation, but it’s got to at least be making funny clanking noises, […]
3-Year-Old Ninja Caught on Video
When I was about ten, I created a home-made pair of nunchucks. I sawed a broomstick into two short kid-ninja-sized handles and then, using screws, attached them together with a short chain. After about five minutes of practicing, I was certain that the authentic Japanese word nunchaku must have been defined as “self-inflicted head trauma.” […]
Defense Against Misinformed Parenting Advice
When you’re learning to navigate the turbulent waters of new parenthood, you’ll undoubtedly encounter a lot of folks offering what they think are time-tested words of wisdom. Sure, these (usually childless) people mean well, but when caring for your first newborn, these bits of advice often do nothing more than exacerbate your already tense […]
Ninja Parent Lessons: The Foot Python
Suiting up your little one is a tough challenge, even for ninjas. Especially socks. Those legs are tiny, but they’re fast and don’t like to stay still for lengths of time greater than it takes to blink. This cannot be avoided, so you must be clever and fast. As the ancient proverb says: the wise […]
Ninja Parent Lessons: Tickle Attacks, Part 3 (Advanced)
I want you to know that I risk my life sharing this shadowy Eastern warrior wisdom with you. Not just because I’m continuously risking assassination from ninjas seeking silent but deadly (not that kind) revenge for broadcasting their proprietary trade secrets, but also because I can be life-threateningly ticklish myself. The next shave I get […]
Stuffed Animal Assassin, Dragon Baby
Sometimes… when parents gaze lovingly at their child, they see themselves, a perfect combination of two separate people in one, giggling forward into the future for them. Other times… they see an ex-assassin seeking revenge, one-by-one, on the group of killer stuffed animals that betrayed… Erm… Okay. Maybe that never happens. UNTIL NOW! I bow […]
