Maximumble: Use for Toys
Call it a side effect, a byproduct or an outcome, but fatherhood can lead to some rad consequences. It’s the most responsibility and pressure you can earn, but it’s also a perfect opportunity. I see a lot of “dads are buddies” stereotypes. It can be confusing to witness. There’s a pervasive myth that we’re […]
8 Honest Names for 1980s Toys
There were so many toys I wanted growing up. We had a rule, when I was a kid, that we had to sell a toy to get a new one. It was like a strange banking system. Inevitably one of the toys would break, sending the whole system into a tailspin (also, a great reference […]
Maximumble: Toy for Jimmy
There’s no doubt about it. Becoming a parent opens the Jurassic Park doors of childhood fun. Between introducing your kids to things you grew up with and getting current with the coolest new toys and technology, it’s pretty awesome how much parenthood has to offer. I mean, yeah, the love, compassion and responsibility and […]
Baby Sleep Positions: “The Junkyard”
From the beginning of parenting, sleep becomes a bit of a half-remembered dream, one that you daydream about while staring vacantly at a wall as you overfill a coffee cup. Everyone with mini humans knows this, but there’s also a point in the condition known as parenthood when the toy infestation begins. At first it’s […]
Teddy Bear – Scrabble Scribble #5
It took a simple doozy from my four-year-old the other day to point out that I’ve fully operated under the belief that teddy bears are always dudes for as long as I can remember. I suppose that all stuffed animals are male unless they’ve got a bow, long eyelashes or syrupy shapes embroidered all […]
My Kid Just DUHed… #31
“I wost my toy.” Me: Oh where’d you lose it? “Uhhhh. I can’t teww you dat… because I wost it.” -Lucas (2013, 4 years old) I just got thoroughly schooled in some duh logic by my little lad. As per usual. They’re great; little kids. Like a miniature version of Captain Obvious. DUH!* * I […]
Teddy Bear Surgery
So little is presently understood about the anatomy and physiology of stuffed animals. Advances in the subject have for a very long time been stifled by the social sigma placed on anyone who dissects toys or stuffed animals; branding them as “emotionally unstable” or “weird.” Thankfully, progress is now being made. Let’s have an amazing […]
Parent Sex Pro Tip: Toys
There’s good advice and there’s bad advice. And then there’s advice that’s so weird and confusing, you don’t know which one it is. One thing that’s certain is that sex deprivation, the lame prize in the cereal box of parenthood, can often make even the worst advice seem plausible. Or something. Maybe. ““ Follow us […]
My Kid Just Said… #14
[Christmas morning] “Whu’s dat? A pwesent? Fo MEEE??? Whu’s in it?” [1 minute later] “I can’t open da wapping. It keeps wipping. Oh WOOK! TWAINS!!!” [.0001 seconds later] “I wead da ‘stwuctions and you buiwd it, okay, Daddy?” [100 minutes or so later] “It’s not wook wight, Daddy. Hewe ya go. You can have da […]
How to Commit the Perfect Toy Murder
[ click the image to enlarge ] Oh how they sing. Oh how they dance. You gave it as a gift, not knowing any better. Or someone else gave it to your kid, not knowing that it could ultimately make you want to stab pens in your ears or kill yourself. But whatever you […]
