Parenterms: “On Purpaccident”
Kids do things. Always. Let’s all admit that the mind of a child isn’t a just blank canvas or a field filled with giggling unicorns. It can be a pretty weird place and result in some pretty disastrous things. At a certain point kids start to get the idea that accountability plays into the some […]
Kid Definishons: “Yesterday”
Young kids are about as good at making accurate time references as I am at rolling a ball of water in my hands. When a kid is describing something that happened, parents know that when they say “yesterday” that the word has an elasticity that stretches from a millisecond before now all the way back […]
Parenterms: “Caughter”
Uncontrollable laughter happens often when kids are present. They can be very suddenly entertaining. Sure there’s the “spit take.” We’ve all seen it in movies even if we’ve never done it. Something outlandish is said or something outrageous happens and then someone sprays like a geyser in response. It’s funny but a little unrealistic. Especially […]
Sex Terms Can Be a Total Turnoff
I’ve covered how childbirth terms can make you want to puke (view), and how pregnancy terms can make you hide under a tarp (view), but let’s go even earlier, to the very start. The very act that results in babies. Sex. Words have a depth that goes beyond their dictionary definitions. Compare telling a man […]
Pregnancy Terms Can Make You Hide Under a Tarp
Most medical terms sound hyper-enlightened and mystifying, but are actually based on Latin and Greek words that just meant… the thing that they referred to. What woman is going to let a “student of women” near their vagina, let alone PAY them for it? But that’s what “gynecologist” meant literally in Greek. If you look […]
What Text Replies REALLY Mean
Everyone’s texting or messaging everyone these days. Parents message their kids downstairs to dinner. Teachers will text a student to put away their phone. Pretty soon we’ll figure out a way to text our pets. A big problem is that, faceless and voiceless, text messages don’t do a stellar job of conveying emotion. People have […]
Parenterms: “Douchebaguette”
They exist. Douchebaguettes. The B word is rough, though. And the C word is just wall-to-wall taboo unless you’re Irish and referring to another man, in which case it can count as breathing with sound. When you have kids, there’s a mental censor that tends to go into play, even if you’re a d*mned total […]
Kid Definishons: “Poobles”
When you hear the word “poo” in association with your kid being in the bathtub, you just kind of tense up and slowly peer over the edge to scan for the surprise of a floating “tub toy” that wasn’t there before. Luckily, it was just an underwater bathtub fart, and the little mer-kid is only […]
Parenterms: “Pajdrama”
Parents know: you can lead a horse* to water**, but you can’t make them drink***. * kid ** bed *** sleep Trying to saddle up the stubborn little pony that is your child with pajamas is occasionally only a little bit less impossible than getting them to close their eyes and go to “for reals” […]
Kid Definishons: “Undiewares”
It’s a pretty safe assumption that if you’re reading this, you’ve probably been wearing underwear for several years. Hopefully not the same pair. Whatever the condition of your undergarments, you must admit it’s been a long time since your parents first slipped a pair of undies on you instead of a diaper. You probably don’t […]
