Zombie vs. Baby

Posted under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Zombie vs. Baby

 

[ click the image to enlarge ]

A simple examination of the common attributes of babies and zombies so that a greater mastery of each may be achieved. Why, you ask? Uhhh… Okay, maybe it’s just more like one of those “why the heck not?” questions, but this is in no way intended to offend lovers of either subject.

This could very well serve as a key to understanding the one you’re kinda weak on if you’re only familiar with one of the subjects (zombie or baby) and perhaps provide, theoretically, the insight necessary to your own survival in the raising of a baby or combating an apocalyptic army of walking dead.

““

Follow on Facebook.
It’s the best way to keep track of our descent into madness.

The Versus Series
Have a look at the whole thing. You’re welcome.

Want More Instructional Diagrams?
Hey, they’re fat-free. Pig out!
 

121 Comments

  • Tad says:
    at 7:10 am

    Before you guys launched, you promised that this site was going to be the “Best Blog you’ve ever seen.”

    This is an example of such. Just AWESOME.

    Reply
  • Dads Inc. Chris says:
    at 7:55 am

    This is awesome! So true . . .

    Reply
    • charlie says:
      at 8:14 am

      Thanks, Chris! We didn’t realize how similar they were until we started looking.

      Reply
  • Jenny, Bloggess says:
    at 8:14 am

    Complete awesomeness.

    Reply
  • Matthew says:
    at 9:56 am

    OMFG

    Reply
  • Stephanie G says:
    at 10:01 am

    Hahahahaha wow this is ironic…I’m scared to death of zombies…but I absolutely LOVE babies, especially my own…this post might just help me get over my insane fear! Not only an awesome site, but a lifesaver as well!!! You guys rock!! 😛

    Reply
    • charlie says:
      at 10:06 am

      Think about it… zombies just want love too. They want hugs and time with mom. And maybe a side of brains to go with it.

      Reply
      • Stephanie G says:
        at 12:50 pm

        I will have to remember this should I ever come across a zombie. It really might just save my life!! 😛

        Reply
      • bodeene says:
        at 12:46 am

        I’VE HAD 3 KIDS, I’LL TAKE THE ZOMBIE ANY DAY! “NO DIAPERS TO CHANGE” LOL!

        Reply
      • meow point1 says:
        at 11:42 pm

        I hate hugs. And I don’t think zombies have emotions, so how can they want love?

        Reply
  • Papa2Hapa says:
    at 10:10 am

    No wonder I’m not all that afraid of zombies. Awesome!

    Reply
  • Ashton Sanders says:
    at 12:37 pm

    HAHAHAHA. That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time. Epic!

    Reply
  • Avara says:
    at 1:26 pm

    You know…I thought this picture looked familiar. It kinda reminds me of Finn during his second bout of the stomach flu. Remember, Charlie? You came home and found us in the bathroom…drool/barf, etc. on our clothes, in my hair, running down the glass bathroom shower door? Projectile vomiting is really a force to be reckoned with, no?

    Reply
    • charlie says:
      at 1:55 pm

      It was like the movies “The Exorcist” and “Dawn of the Dead” combined into a mega-horror reality TV show. Scary and crazy.

      Reply
    • andy says:
      at 3:08 pm

      We can not be held liable for any resemblance this illustration bears to any person of any age, real, imagined, undead or even robotic. Any resemblance is coincidental and is not intended to make fun of anyone with stomach flu or cursed resurrection from the dead. 😉

      Reply
  • Wyatt gurr says:
    at 5:37 pm

    Hi there,I have recently become a dad of the age of 20, and wouldn’t change it for the world. Fatherhood is the best and hardest thing u could ever dream of. I have just found the blog and read through and its soo true and funny, had a great time reading it thanks. X

    Reply
    • charlie says:
      at 5:41 pm

      People like you are the reason we started this blog. Keep coming to the site and we’ll keep posting the best stuff we can. 🙂

      Reply
  • Russ says:
    at 10:40 am

    This rules!

    Reply
  • ELLIE says:
    at 12:02 pm

    this is so funny and yet credible….. explains why the sudden change on people with babies….. lol

    Reply
  • Eric says:
    at 12:26 pm

    Great stuff as always. Of course, the guy on the left looks a hell of a lot like me most mornings!

    Reply
    • charlie says:
      at 3:13 pm

      Oh, wow. We thought he looked familiar! We forgot to put in the zombie graphic and put in “dad’ instead… 🙂

      Reply
    • meow point1 says:
      at 11:45 pm

      First of all, you (the writers) can be pretty funny sometimes. I liked the Evolution of the Pee Pee Dance, but the thing is, I’m a huge morning person, so all the “tired in the morning” jokes can irk me.
      And second, why do you guys have kids if you obviously hate it so much?

      Reply
  • Rusti says:
    at 4:40 pm

    best.diagram.ever. LMAO!

    Reply
  • Alison@Mama Wants This says:
    at 5:10 pm

    The resemblance is astounding. I don’t know why no one pointed this out before.

    Now, how are you going to top this? 🙂

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 12:51 am

      We do not know. We do NOT know how we’re going to top this one. But we will never stop trying. Hopefully people laugh at our attempts more than the general attempt.

      Reply
  • Tim says:
    at 9:08 pm

    So all I’ve seen thus far are ultrasound pics of my little girl and she for sure has a the “Zombie-look” going on right now. I guess it sticks around during the infancy too?

    Reply
    • charlie says:
      at 9:31 pm

      It does indeed. Also, see the Kanye West VS Baby diagram, for further info: https://www.howtobeadad.com/2011/1840/kanye-vs-baby

      Reply
    • andy says:
      at 11:45 pm

      Yeah, those 3D shots can be pretty creepy. I didn’t care for it myself when the ultrasound operator said “and now check THIS out.” and switched to the 3D mode. It looked like someone did a bad clay sculpture of a baby, threw it in the back of their trunk and went to a crash derby.

      Reply
  • Angeline says:
    at 12:53 pm

    OMG…this is exactly what I have been talking about. Except my 9-year-old has the behaviors of a zombie when it’s the middle of summer and he’s bored. He mopes and groans and act as if he dead…it’s unbearable.

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 10:09 am

      Yeah. We forgot to warn people that these zombie similarities sometimes continue into childhood. Sorry for the oversight. 😉

      Reply
  • Machiavelli Id says:
    at 7:44 am

    Frakkin awesome! Now, what do I feed her when I run out of paramedics?

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 10:14 am

      We don’t know. Male nurses? Once you run out of paramedics, maybe they’ll send all the male nurses? I don’t know. Just sounds funny.

      Reply
  • Amit says:
    at 8:11 am

    Night of the living dead, fits great to new parents

    Reply
  • Zombie vs. Baby – Robot Mutant says:
    at 8:57 am

    […] there hasn’t yet been a charming series of zombie movies featuring Steve Guttenberg. Yet.via How to be a Dad [Translate] Filed Under: Uncategorized /*'); var script = document.createElement('script'); […]

    Reply
  • Let’s compare: Zombie vs. baby | Irene's Internet says:
    at 12:33 pm

    […] Via I Love Charts / How To Be a Dad […]

    Reply
  • MVN » Cubs Suck and The Friday Links says:
    at 5:24 pm

    […] Tell the difference between a zombie and a baby. LINK HERE […]

    Reply
  • Sarita says:
    at 6:29 pm

    Hilarious! I love zombies…and my baby.

    Reply
  • Kasandria Reasoner says:
    at 2:50 pm

    Dude. YOU get it! LMAO
    Kas

    Reply
  • GTA says:
    at 11:49 am

    lmao!!!!! awesome pic, i love it 🙂

    Reply
  • earl says:
    at 6:06 pm

    ROFL

    Reply
  • 7 Quick Takes Friday (Vol. 4) « My Life in the Domestic Church says:
    at 7:22 am

    […] All this talk of zombie apocalypse reminds me of this. […]

    Reply
  • Clark Kent's Lunchbox says:
    at 5:44 pm

    Hmmm? Zombie and drunk teenage son… ’bout the same too.

    (this is quite hilarious, gents)

    Reply
  • Kimberly says:
    at 8:02 pm

    It’s totally true! My 18 month old has eaten my brain!

    Reply
  • Get To Know Andy from How To Be A Dad says:
    at 4:03 am

    […] day someone wrote to us asking us permission to translate our most popular Instructional Diagram, Zombie vs. Baby, into POLISH! Again, humbling […]

    Reply
  • Tara says:
    at 3:25 pm

    Love this! I remember those baby years! Great diagram!

    Reply
  • Jenny says:
    at 10:15 am

    My husband is obsessed with zombies, has a plan in place in case they ever attack. He will freaking LOVE this.

    Quick question, how do you deal with a baby zombie attack?

    Reply
  • Night of the Living Dad :: How To Be A Dad says:
    at 12:35 am

    […] Wife Just Said… #8Zombie vs. BabyBad Product Idea #2: Thongies Diaper ThongsWhy Won't My Wife Have Sex with Me?Being a Ninja in the […]

    Reply
  • Vinicius says:
    at 7:55 pm

    Awesome!!!!Very astute.

    Reply
  • Lizzy says:
    at 5:38 pm

    My son was a “zombaby” for his first Halloween last year! He drooled and chewed on his very first brain. 🙂

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 9:21 pm

      That’s rad! I’m trying to get my boys to go zombie. I’ve added it to all of their ideas. When they say something like Wolverine, I say how about zombie Wolverine. Pilot, zombie pilot. Hippie, zombie hippie. Ha ha ha ha ha!

      Reply
  • ZOMBIE vs T-SHIRT :: How To Be A Dad says:
    at 3:06 am

    […] Zombie vs Baby See the original Instructional Diagram that has circled the globe over 2.5 bazillion times. […]

    Reply
  • Twitter Links for the Tweetless: A list of great things I’ve found on the web recently. | Frayed Parent says:
    at 10:15 am

    […] Zombie vs. Baby […]

    Reply
  • Meow says:
    at 3:57 pm

    I think “frequently bites” also applies.

    Reply
  • Justin says:
    at 6:03 pm

    Whoa… we are completely on the same wavelength. Check out our Kickstarter campaign for A Baby’s First Book of Zombies…

    http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1002297760/a-babys-first-book-of-zombies!

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 10:48 am

      The zombies are already controlling our minds from their graves. The Apocalypse is nigh! (why the Hell can I never spell Apocalypse right the first time!?! I’m blaming it on more zombie mind control.)

      Reply
  • sillymama says:
    at 9:35 am

    I absolutely love watching zombie movies with my three teen boys. And, finally, someone has explained why. I am also a foster parent who has taken care of about four dozen babies and toddlers over the last 5 years. Also, I have often made the comparison between handling toddler boys and puppies. Love your site!

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 10:46 am

      Looking forward to it myself. My two older boys are old enough for a not-too-hardcore zombie movie I think.

      Reply
  • 8 Zombie Babies Sites - 11/1/2011 - Interactive Toys | allaboutbabies.org says:
    at 8:20 pm

    […] Zombie vs. BabyApr 19, 2011 A simple examination of the key characteristics of babies and zombies, common to both, for survival […]

    Reply
  • Zombies and Babies: Uncanny similarities | The Zombie Guy says:
    at 2:39 pm

    […] favorite part: “funk of 40000 years” aroma. Check out How to be a dad for the original […]

    Reply
  • Zombie Vs Baby | BuyZombie.com says:
    at 11:01 am

    […] to How To Be A Dad we have this awesome comparison between zombies and babies. Amazingly they are VERY similar to one […]

    Reply
  • Randa says:
    at 4:19 pm

    This absolutely, amazing! I love zombies,and my sister just had a baby.. So All of this is true. 😀

    Reply
  • so that’s how you make a zombie | zombie matters says:
    at 9:52 pm

    […] walk. Insatiable, aggressive appetite. Can turn others into zombies. Instructional Diagram from How to be a Dad tells it like it […]

    Reply
  • Semaine #45 (2011) – Partie 3/3 | Grokuik says:
    at 4:29 pm

    […] Vous avez un gosse et vous aimez les zombies ? Et si votre enfant était un zombie ! Parce qu’au fond, qu’est ce qui les sépare vraiment ? […]

    Reply
  • LG says:
    at 9:55 pm

    Makes me glad I’ve chosen to never have children.

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 10:53 am

      LOL! Zombies are cuuuuute! When they’ve got their jaws still attached. 😉

      Reply
  • Malbon says:
    at 6:06 pm

    Only difference – with a zombie, you have to destroy the brain. With a baby, you have to help it grow.

    Both are lots of fun. Don’t get them reversed, whatever you do!
    “Okay, now what does a cat say?”
    “Blaaaarg!”
    “No, good try. A kitty says AAAaaaaaaaaaaa…”
    *nom nom*

    Reply
    • Eric says:
      at 9:37 pm

      Only difference – with a zombie, you have to destroy the brain. With a baby, you have to destroy its innocence.

      There. I fixed that for you. 😉

      Reply
    • andy says:
      at 11:33 am

      LOL!

      Reply
  • Nicole says:
    at 7:53 am

    This is probably the funniest site I’ve come upon in a long time. I love seeing a man’s point of view on all of this!!

    Reply
  • Arp says:
    at 7:19 am

    LOVE IT!

    Reply
  • Adam says:
    at 7:52 pm

    Awesome. I love both and this is so true.

    Reply
  • Alexsandro Farias says:
    at 11:01 am

    Very Funny! I am a zombie right now, like the living dead! I was infected by my first daughter,

    Reply
    • Andy says:
      at 10:42 am

      Ha ha ha! The firsts are the most potent. They’ll turn you into one of those zombies that isn’t even a threat to anyone. Limping slow as a snail with parts falling off.

      Reply
  • Michelle says:
    at 6:30 pm

    Hilarious! Sometimes I feel like the zombie. I just wrote a post about it on my blog, “Love Me Some Zommbies”.

    Reply
    • Andy says:
      at 10:41 am

      So glad you liked it. Parental zombification is all part of the process. 😉

      Reply
  • Larry says:
    at 4:23 pm

    I never saw the connection before. You are oh so right!

    Reply
  • Jo says:
    at 12:29 pm

    Very funny. I used to always think that there were many similarities between our son and a puppy, but I never thought of a Zombie.

    Reply
    • Andy says:
      at 9:59 am

      Ha ha! You’re welcome. That’s what we’re here for, making people think things they never would have thought of otherwise about being a parent. Or something. Until we make up a new reason we’re here. 😉

      Reply
  • ZombiemommySaves says:
    at 2:27 pm

    Very funny. Since I had 4 children in 6 years I am going to say that baby is 13 months old and had oranges for breakfast.

    Reply
  • Niki says:
    at 6:35 pm

    This is even better than the comparisons my husband and I constantly make between living with a baby and hanging out with a drunk man. Babies fall down a lot, vomit, soil their pants, drool, go from laughing to crying back to laughing again all in the space of 4 seconds, slur what speech they do have, repeat themselves, dance clumsily, hang on you whenever they’re near, take off their clothes at odd times, and sometimes can’t hold their heads up very well. Just like your best drinking buddy.

    Reply
    • Andy says:
      at 2:59 pm

      Ha ha ha ha! So true! We were going to do a Baby vs Drunkard but we thought it might be too similar to the Baby vs Redneck we already did. But what you wrote is solid gold. 😉

      Reply
      • Niki says:
        at 4:18 am

        You are welcome to the material for a Baby vs. Drunkard comparison. I’d love to see it formalized. 🙂

        Reply
        • Andy says:
          at 9:02 pm

          Rockstar. We’ve got a big list of planned content, but it’s really a good one.

          Reply
  • Miika says:
    at 10:06 am

    My breastfed son knows how to crawl and climb. Combine this with groans and groping at the food source, and have yet another similarity. 🙂

    Reply
    • Andy says:
      at 9:01 pm

      So true. Thank god they don’t have teeth capable of eating brains. 😉

      Reply
  • yenni says:
    at 6:20 am

    Is there any chance of getting this in poster format? I’ve got a baby shower to go to in November that this would be a perfect goofy gift at.

    Reply
    • yenni says:
      at 6:21 am

      Also, if permission was given, I’d be happy to get it printed and all that myself, I’d just need either a vector or really high res version of this.

      Reply
    • Andy says:
      at 10:43 am

      Aw man. I wish we could oblige but we don’t offer posters on this one. We really should, though. Sorry man. Thanks for the love though.

      Reply
      • yenni says:
        at 11:43 am

        But it costs nothing to post it as a poster on zazzle, and you already have the art up as a t-shirt as well as something else up as a poster. Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top!

        Reply
  • Greg says:
    at 4:18 pm

    After marathoning The Walking Dead during late nights with my son, I can’t agree more. I had set him down after he (finally) fell asleep, and then he gurgled and my response was #$%!!# WALKER!

    Reply
  • Preview of IdeaMensch in Missoula: IM48 LA Recap says:
    at 3:05 pm

    […] site exploring the lighter side of raising children. This site has delivered the brilliance of Zombie vs. Baby and Thongies just to name a few. Dad blogging is so real that Charlie has amassed over 100,000 […]

    Reply
  • Nicolas says:
    at 2:02 am

    “Can turn others into a zombie”

    +100 YES I’m a zombie

    Reply
  • MoosE says:
    at 10:01 am

    One more to add,

    They both try to eat your brain !
    Last night my son (soon to be 8 mos old) grabbed me by the ears and bit my forehead with enough force to hurt.

    I compare him to my race car;

    * Loud
    * Fast
    * Expensive
    * Leaks fluids from everywhere
    * A lot of fun

    Reply
    • Francesca says:
      at 3:05 am

      True story!!! And I think daddy always watching twd doesn’t help! He must think it’s normal things adults do!

      Reply
  • Max says:
    at 4:23 pm

    There is one thing that babies have that the traditional zombies do not have. The baby has a major defense, the cuteness factor. Beware of the cuteness factor.

    Reply
    • Andy says:
      at 10:47 am

      True. Though babies also have some not-so-cute moments, but they’re usually when we happen upon the wrong sunscreen or discover a food allergy. 😉

      Reply
  • Francesca says:
    at 2:58 am

    ha ha ha ha!!! This is sooooo coool! I would like to post it on my blog, translating it in Italian and putting the links to your page. May I?

    Reply
  • donofalltrades says:
    at 8:07 pm

    Hahahahaha, I love it! I think my toddler might eat brains since they aren’t a fruit or vegetable and I’m pretty sure they’re not good for you.

    Reply
  • Kadri-Anna says:
    at 12:44 am

    At least I’m not only one who had this thought (along with vampire thoughts) and now I’m not sure if I’m able to go to sleep today..

    Reply
  • alex says:
    at 11:18 pm

    I always called the baby a zombie. know one else understood the relation ship besides me. this picture proves it all! just awesome.

    Reply
  • Jang says:
    at 3:34 am

    I was so blessed to have a postpartum doula after our 4th was born. I needed it! I am really bad at asking for help and it was so great to have someone here to clean while I enjoyed the new baby.

    Reply
  • tom holland says:
    at 10:58 am

    we came up with: both recently “crossed over”, both need to be quarantined, both are fragile, pathologically self centered, propensity to be “biters”

    Reply
  • thecrafty-woman says:
    at 10:58 pm

    Taking care of young children makes me crazy

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *