The Steps to Manhood
Various cultures have different marks of “becoming a man.” Sprouting chest hair, tearing a bottle cap off with your teeth, “knowing” a woman, wrestling a croc, to name a few. However, I noticed that there didn’t seem to be a lot of broad attention from most men on the more subtle steps that lead up to manhood. And by “most men” I, of course, mean myself. (Probably best that I don’t speak generally for “men” on the whole.)
There are a lot of phases of growing up, but “becoming a man” is the one that really hogs all the attention. Books, poems and narrated movie intros are just drenched in the concept. “One boy… will become a man… and discover his destiny… when he discovers his love… or a dragon… or something…” that sort of thing.
But what about the other steps?
It’s fairly obvious to me now that mothers tend to be very aware of these phases, and the moment their child moves to the next. And by “fairly obvious” I, of course, mean that my wife drubbed me over the head with it until it sank in.
About 9 months after Lucas was born, Lizzie and I were talking about something and I referred to him as a “newborn.” She jumped in to let me know that there is a limit to how long you can call your child a newborn and that he wasn’t one anymore. Despite Max and Cody being 11 and 13 now, I’d just never thought of it until this conversation.
The Phases of Growth
Life graduates through various stages. Blah blah blah. No duh! But still, here’s a non-medical, everyday person sort of list I made. It’s boy-oriented, but could just as easily apply to girls, except for that whole manhood thing.
1. zygote (sperm + egg = shazam!)
2. fetus (of varying fruit sizes)
3. newborn (with cute poop like yellow cream cheese)
4. infant/baby (with not-so-cute poop like really old cream cheese made from goat droppings)
5. toddler (time to pad or remove sharp objects and hide the TV remotes)
6. young boy (get a decent first aid kit and find better hiding places for the remotes)
7. boy (an increase in your renters or homeowners insurance policy would be advisable)
8. teen (at some point your head will f##king explode, so wear a helmet to minimize the blast)
9. “manhood” (time to Google “surgeon with experience repairing croc wrestling wounds”)
So let’s take a look at the Herald brood and where the boys place on the scale these days.
“I can’t be placed near butter, my cuteness melts it into liquid.”Lucas: Phase 5, Toddler
2 years old, it’s sort of scary to watch him sprint around because he’s still regularly testing the solidity of the universe with his head. He’s starting to speak in full sentences, okay yeah, they’re strange ones with optional words, but they still qualify. He loves bread nearly as much as air and consumes it about as often, but he’s above average height, rarely ill and is (thick Russian accent) “strong like bull.” He melts the heart of everyone who sees him.
“Arrr! I’m a pirate and I must have me bag o’ wine, matey!”Max: Phase 7, Boy
11 years old, I’m routinely reduced to breathless rubble from laughing from his impressions, voices, accents and amazing homemade jokes. He and Cody are inseparable but often seem like they would love nothing better than to be on separate planets. He’s clearly not interested in girls yet but he’s also at that point where he’s vaguely aware of the fact that he is soon supposed to be. People are regularly astonished by how well mannered he is, aaaaand occasionally how badly mannered he can be.
“How you doin’?”Cody: Phase 8, Teen
Just turned 13, I’m still shaking my head at how deep his voice is getting and the fact the he’s got tufts of fur in his now fragrant armpits. He and I now actually share music discoveries and discuss films. There is no doubt about the fact that he’s acutely interested in girls. I’m often amazed at how smart someone so young can be, aaaaand occasionally how dumb someone so smart can be.
(Yep, that was my mind that just zipped passed your shoulder, ’cause I just blew it out. Wow!)
Watching my boys get older, moving through these steps sometimes sends me back to when I was moving through the lineup. I like to think that I never “grew up,” in my heart at least, but when I try to think back to the moment I “became a man,” it seems uncertain. It was probably a lot of things actually, and not just one moment. But I am completely certain of this: my #10 was becoming a dad.
“”
Since I’m no expert, for more information on “becoming a man” refer to The Art of Manliness.
Emily says: 
Pedro 
