Baby Sleep Positions: “H Is for Hell”

Posted under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

H Is for Hell Baby Sleep Position

 

Every parent knows this letter. Fears it! It’s the H. Some may say it stands for “horrible” but don’t listen to them, they’re just whitewashing it. It stands for Hell. And it’s the kind of night you’re both going to have.

This was one of the first “baby in bed” sleep positions we noted down before we even launched HowToBeADad.com. When we were initially spit-balling ideas back and forth for the series, all Charlie had to say was “the H” and I was immediately laughing humorlessly with bitter familiarity. No explanation necessary.

Since then, we’ve had a surprising number of people comment or email in, suggesting Charlie and I do this specific position (that didn’t sound right). Never mind. So! All this firmed it up in our minds, that the H position seems to be ingrained into parents. Into our lower backs and stomachs at least, but maybe even at a cellular level, as deeply and mysteriously as sea turtles that know how to paddle their way back to their birthplace through about a bazillion gallons of saltwater and oil company accidents.

Parents just never forget the H. Maybe it’s because sometimes they’ve had several hours a night to think about it… with their eyes wide open… for a year or more…
 



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145 Comments

  • Ben says:
    at 5:03 am

    I think the picture is a little misleading. The parents aren’t close enough to the edges of the bed. As in at least one leg and/or one arm hanging off.

    Otherwise, I think it has been at least 3 months since “the H” hasn’t happened in our house. At least I know I am not alone.

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 11:42 am

      No this is completely accurate, it’s just that you’re thinking of where this position winds up: with each parent hanging onto the edge of the bed (and any chance of sleep) by a single hip or butt cheek.

      You are not alone. By a factor of millions.

      Reply
      • RJSilva @ Dad In The Cloud says:
        at 4:43 pm

        Hmm, I don’t know. I kind of agree with Ben here. The diagram is misleading alright: those baby feet seem to be delicatley messaging the mom’s back. In a real-life H they’de be pushing hard to shove Mom off the bed. Plus everyone seems to be sound asleep. In my H’s the baby is the only one getting any sleep, while Wifey and I just lay awake wondering what we’d done to deserve this most cruel and unusual punishment.

        Reply
        • Britt says:
          at 8:43 pm

          It is a wee bit off 🙂 Try throwing one of baby’s legs OVER mom, so they are CONSTANTLY in moms ribs, as well as the one always in the ouch part of the hip/back. I’m lucky though, hubby always feels bad for me and tries to pull the kid off me at random points through-out the night. Awesome Daddy 😀

          Reply
          • zora says:
            at 1:17 am

            with us, it’s a bit different (to both the picture above and what you describe). baby head rests on mums shoulder, stomach or really the worst: breast (with each turn of head, the boob gets stretched and pinched), while the legs are “resting” dynamically on hubby’s hips, kicking him every now and then for good measure. at least, we’re not kicked out of bed because we make such a comfy head- and leg-rest!

    • samuri says:
      at 2:50 pm

      I’ve been a dad for six years now and probably the worst positions are “the *” and “the #”… yeah we have three kids and some rare nights we even get to sleep in our own bed as a couple without all the kids piling up in our bed. And as if that wasn’t enough all the three of our kids roll, turn and twist whilst sleeping and they love to sleep with arms and legs wide open like some huge and adorable starfish.
      There are nights when I remember falling asleep together with my wife but then suddenly our little 18-monther sleeps soundly between us in “the H” and the next time I wake our oldest son has climbed to our bed and is sleeping on both my wife’s and my own legs and the next thing I know our 3½-years old boy is kicking my head while being curled up like a ball next to our headboard, the little one is being breast fed on the other side of the bed and our firstborn has twisted and rolled where our baby first was… and I am the only one who would’ve liked to use a blanket.
      We used to sleep in a 120cm wide bed but fortunately we got recently a 160cm wide and were able to fit it in our current apartment (^__^)

      Reply
  • Phil says:
    at 5:58 am

    This is pretty much how things end up for us for three quarters of the night, and the feet are typically on the wife’s side. And she kicks. Not the wife.

    Sometimes the kid turns around to make kind of an “N.”

    My head hurts.

    Reply
  • April says:
    at 6:26 am

    This position is not limited to babies. This also works with our dog and cats! With our toddler that makes four levels of hell for us.

    Reply
  • Anonymous says:
    at 8:22 am

    Looks like Braelyn last night!

    Reply
  • Patti says:
    at 9:29 am

    Also known as the “How the Hell did you do that??” Position, lol. I guess the next one will have to be the propeller, where they rotate around, so they can share the kidney kicking love with BOTH hapless parents.

    Reply
  • Elizabeth Flora Ross says:
    at 9:29 am

    This is why our daughter sleeps in her own bed. LOL

    Reply
  • The Mommyologist says:
    at 9:35 am

    My five-year old still crawls into bed with us and does the “H” position, which is similar to the baby “H” position, except that now one of his feet usually winds up jamming me in the ass.

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 11:51 am

      When they get older this letter just gets made bold.

      Baby in bed:

      H

      Child in bed:

      H

      Reply
      • KCRSummertime says:
        at 8:48 am

        Now THAT made me laugh out loud. We still get the Bold-Capital H when our 3 yr old joins us…

        Reply
  • Charma (@Surprised_Mama) says:
    at 9:38 am

    I had to laugh at this because this always happens when our son sleeps with us. This is actually on a good night. On a bad night, he ends up in an unknown letter with his foot in my face and not touching my husband at all! Hilarious!

    Reply
  • Vi Nguyen says:
    at 9:44 am

    I <3 your baby sleep positions diagrams, so true & funny! My husband always complains bc our baby sleeps so close to him to the point where he sleeps at the edge of the bed, leaving me all that space haha.

    Sometimes the older kid will sneak in, which sucks because she hates having the blanket on her so she'll lay on top of it, which means either one of us gets some blanket, or we're both fighting to pull some from under her heavy, limp body! Ahh, the joys of co-sleeping!

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 11:55 am

      Thanks! We didn’t include blanket hogging as a dynamic because we wanted to make people laugh. Not cry. These things work in small doses, but you can OD on too much truth when it’s painful. 😉

      Reply
  • stacy says:
    at 9:46 am

    love this post so true so brutal and not to put you off having another- because I’m the last person to talk you out of having another baby says: mother of 5 here (btw 2 is an absolute yes from me) but times this equation by two or more OMG! I’ve been known to kick the largest one out of bed in the middle of the night & yes that’s my husband! hahaha
    BUT then they all get to the age where they absolutely will never get into your bed in the middle of the night 🙁 and you will miss it. When that day comes I just crawl into bed with them for a bit of a cuddle and even though the oldest is almost 16 he allows this once in a while and I don’t even kick my feet into his lower back or ear for revenge.

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 11:58 am

      Ha ha! There was a certain threshold Lizzie and crossed where we weren’t worried anymore about bumping into the little one in bed. Maaaaaaaaybe it was because he was big enough or maaaaaaabye it was because we’d had our bodies pulverized by the guy enough for us to want to score some points in the Ultimate Slumber Fighting matches we seemed to be entered in against our will. 😉

      Reply
  • stacy says:
    at 9:48 am

    just realized I’m pretty sure Charlie was the one with the post about having another baby that comment about baby #2 was for him

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 12:00 pm

      Charlie and I are actually the same person. The same insane person. I’m/We’re just masters of disguise. 😉 No worries. Both of us see every comment, he got the message. Thanks for writing in.

      Reply
  • taylor says:
    at 10:15 am

    this is why the kiddo never gets to sleep with us. You make the mistake once and kiss you night’s rest goodbye forever.

    Reply
    • Samantha says:
      at 10:56 am

      I know! My first didn’t ever sleep with me, my second did becuase he was born with swallowing problems that made it easy for him to stop breathing. He’s almost two and we CANT get him to sleep through the night ugggghhh!I totaly agreee!Don’t let them sleep with you!

      Reply
    • andy says:
      at 12:01 pm

      It’s like a black hole of cuteness and convenience (at first) that you can get trapped into. Except you don’t wind up in alternate dimension, you just wind up with dementia. :/

      Reply
  • Kim says:
    at 10:21 am

    Yup, after cosleeping with 3 kids (not all at the same time) I know this one all too well! You need to somehow illustrate the position where baby climbs on top of you and laughs and grabs your face. Because of course 2am is the best time to play with mommy’s nostrils and find out if her eyebrows are detachable.

    Reply
  • 2 but my wife wants 3 (ahhhh!!!) says:
    at 10:23 am

    We have 2 so I’m waiting for the Flying W to show up soon in the bedroom. Or will it be an M? Hmmmm…

    Reply
  • Samantha says:
    at 10:55 am

    The picture is very misleading, they (the parents) look comfortable when EVERYONE knows that is not the case! I love it!

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 5:01 pm

      I believe the author Henry David Thoreau described it as “quiet desperation.” (Not to sound all brainy n s##t, I just remember the line.) It’s 6:am and they’re in a catatonic daze.

      Reply
  • Good Girl Gone Green says:
    at 11:48 am

    That looks about right; and usually my husband gets a nice kick in the head at least one during the night, and that when he moves to the couch…

    Reply
  • the muskrat says:
    at 7:40 pm

    The “H” also stands for “How we gonna fuck with a baby in the way like that? Shit.”

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 12:13 pm

      Ohmygod. You still think you’re going to ever have sex again? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! 😉

      Reply
  • Elizabeth says:
    at 9:44 am

    It has been 21 years since my last kid, and I still remember the”H”

    Reply
  • Jen says:
    at 11:41 am

    Oh good lord…You sneak into our house and retell EXACTLY what’s going on for all to read;) But seriously, I have an 8mo little dude and this is happening now…what else is in store for us?!?!

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 5:37 pm

      Ha ha ha ha! I’ve said before (to the prosecuting attorneys) and I’ll say it again: Stalking is a valid form of research! 😉

      We’ll keep you posted as quickly as we can generate it.

      Reply
  • BloggerFather says:
    at 11:10 am

    Ha! I see some commenters have offered alternatives. Mine would be that the baby is kicking me in the crotch…

    Reply
  • beta dad says:
    at 2:25 am

    What the hell is that…baby…doing in bed with the parents? Those things should be in kennels, where they’re safe.

    Reply
  • Emily Guy Birken says:
    at 12:17 pm

    Further proof that babies are total cockblockers.

    Reply
  • RJ Silva says:
    at 9:44 pm

    H is for hell. Absolutely. The exact same word I used to describe this ordeal in a photo caption here: http://dadinthecloud.com/blog/2011/8/16/dont-let-your-kids-do-this-to-you.html

    Reply
  • alexandra says:
    at 6:50 pm

    You forget the part when they learn to take their diapers/pants off in the middle of the night and there is a random crotch or butt mere centimeters away from your face.

    Reply
    • Maura says:
      at 2:38 pm

      Oh. My. Word. That never happened to me, and I am grateful! My baby daughter DID break my nose with the back of her skull one early morning, though. Frankly, I’m not sure it was worse than what you endured!

      Reply
      • andy says:
        at 1:01 am

        Broke your nose?!? I’m speechless. I’ll take the H over a broken nose I think. I can’t even think of illustrating that. Yikes! That would wake me up better than an espresso IV. Ha ha!

        Reply
        • Maura says:
          at 11:36 am

          Oh, I’m very very *very* familiar with the H; I’ve just never woken to a diaperless kiddie butt in my face!

          The broken nose was crazy and OUCH it was painful, but that only happened once. All in all, I’m not sure that’s worse than a child who learns to remove their diapers, night after night, in my bed. I will take one-time pain over never-ending clean up every time. 🙂

          Reply
          • andy says:
            at 11:21 am

            I’m pretty much agreeing with you on that one. Ha ha! One-time Hell is better than long, drawn out HHHHHHHHHHHELL. 😉

  • weks says:
    at 10:23 am

    And my 20 month old son is the first to drag me out of bed to the breakfast table after the sleepless H

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 11:24 am

      Ugh! The injustice of it all.

      “We’re your foot and head cozy for the night and now you want us to be your cook staff? You better whip out some seriously cute giggles today, buddy.”

      Reply
  • Mystikcal says:
    at 1:02 pm

    Now add a 6 y.o. and yes, the naked butt in face treatment or the wake up bc a puddle of wetness starts seeping through your pajamas. That’s when we went to pull-ups…too hard for my son to rip off in the middle of sleep-induced strip down.

    Reply
  • Mollie says:
    at 7:40 am

    We had this last night. Except it wasn’t really an H, since the toddler insoister on laying her body across the pillows, thereby forcing her feet into my face and breathing hot baby fire breath into my husband’s. We made more of a table shape. All because we lost the last pacifier in the house and it was the only thing that saved us from an entire night of mournful wailing.

    Reply
    • Mollie says:
      at 7:41 am

      *insisted. I obviously didn’t sleep last night.

      Reply
      • andy says:
        at 12:34 pm

        LOL! There are no penalties for typos and bad grammar on HowToBeADad.com. Especially since nearly all of our posts are sprinkled with them. 😉

        Reply
    • andy says:
      at 12:35 pm

      Ha ha! “hot baby fire breath” has kept me up many a night. those little boogers are HOT, like having a bed heater roaring away between parents.

      Reply
  • Mel says:
    at 12:44 pm

    Not really sure what you’d call ours. Our 3 year old sleeps with his head in his Dad’s neck, and his feet in my ear/head/neck/shoulder/upper back, AND our 8 month old attached to a breast, often also with her feet in my eye sockets (it’s as comfortable as it sounds). Sometimes the six year old and cat are also curled up where we’d like to put our feet, although, most of the time the cat gets annoyed at having so little space that she ends up in the 3 year old’s bed

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 12:45 pm

      That sounds like Sanskrit or cuneiform. 😉

      Reply
    • samuri says:
      at 2:57 pm

      When I first read this I thought my wife had written it but on a second glimpse the years didn’t match up…. but we’vw definitely been going through that same thing for quite some time now -__-

      Reply
  • Pat says:
    at 7:19 pm

    This shouldn’t even be an issue. A baby should never ever be in bed with you. A baby comes home from the hospital, and sleeps in her bed, mommy and daddy have their bed, big brother hashis, and baby hashes. Simple. Never put a bottle in bed with a baby. You will never have to break that habit either. To say, we ate tired, or it’s easier, thats crap. An excuse. This irritates me!

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 10:10 am

      Oh I wouldn’t get too worked up about it. It’s their lives, the people who choose to co-sleep. For some it may even be a necessity with how many rooms they have. Or just a choice to have a closeness with their kid at the expense of some of their sleep. Different strokes for different folks.

      Reply
      • pat says:
        at 6:25 pm

        i know it’s their lives. and honestly i dont’ care what people do. this is a simple solution. put the kid in the crib. simple. sleep well. how many rooms they have? then why have a baby if you cannot provide adequate living conditions. oh my gosh.

        Reply
        • Pete says:
          at 11:26 am

          Pat, why have a computer if you can’t type, or use punctuation, or capitalize? The problems with humanity are endless, don’t you agree?

          Reply
        • jetts31 says:
          at 9:48 pm

          You do know this is a comedy site right Pat? A comedy site. Funny. Tongue in cheek. Self-deprecating.
          If you are continuing to have trouble, check out their Zombie vs Baby post.

          Reply
        • DadOfTwoBoys says:
          at 3:13 am

          I love Pat’s reply of “put the kid in their crib and sleep well”.

          WOW, WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT!?

          Pat, have you never had a night when your child (I’m assuming you have kids) woke up crying inconsolably? There are just some nights that your child ends up in your bed. If you’ve never experienced this, the. You are LUCKY, and perhaps that is why you feel thus qualified to come up here and berate us and this website for not doing things the “simple” way.

          Oh if only is met you early Pat, I could have slept well for the last four years…

          Reply
    • Jayme says:
      at 10:02 pm

      Oh, I agree, you should NEVER put a baby in bed with big brother’s hashish. Their little fingers are too smooshy to use a lighter, it’d just be a waste.

      Perhaps Pat was one of the brainchildren behind that co-sleeping ad with the baby spooning the cleaver? With the help of spell-check, of course.

      Reply
    • Hann says:
      at 12:59 am

      Pat, what you are doing I simply passing judgement without considering the other side (which we can all be guilty of). You need to keep in mind that we all do what we fell is best for our families and as parents we should be supportive of this , even I’d se disagree. If bedsharing doesn’t work for you, then don’t do it. However, there are many situations where it does work. Many mothers who are having difficulty breastfeeding are recommended by their DOCTORS to bedshare because the closeness to baby promotes milk production as well as gives ample opportunities for besastfeeding. I work fulltime and my son still gets up 2-3 times a night to eat. He is very efficient at finding his own food and bedsharing affords me ‘more sleep which keeps me fresh at my job. Also, there is a lot of research out there that supports co-sleeping of all types. Many parents agree with this research and find it is the best thing for their family. As parents we are judged every day for the choices we make. We need to stop laying guilt and already guilt-laden parents and start being supportive; even if it is something se don’t agree with or understand.

      Reply
  • julie says:
    at 9:49 pm

    Couldn’t imagine not sleeping with my children until they were old enough to sleep on their own. Everyone should have a room designated for family bed. Do the research and you will see. An infant needs to nurse every two hours, whats better than the child next to you and ready to nurse. I cant imagine a mother leaving her infant in another room..

    Reply
  • DadOfTwoBoys says:
    at 3:06 am

    The ignorance of the post by “Pat” is rather astounding. When my first son came home from the hospital, we were directed by his pediatrician (Pat, that’s a “baby doctor”, just keeping you up to speed) to have him in bed with us. He slept in a co-sleeper between us on our King Size (Pat, that’s a BIG bed). Now he is four years old. Both he and his younger brother have been known to be in our bed on random nights following nightmares (Pat, those are “scary dreams”) or leg cramps (Pat, those are “ouchies”). There is no way I’d leave either of my kids in his bed while he is screaming in pain or scared.

    This is a humor website. It is meant to explain, in a humorous way (Pat, humor means funny) the situations and sentiments many parents, who are apparently not perfect like our new friend Pat here, have felt.

    Reply
    • piper says:
      at 11:33 am

      Oh. My. Wow. Dadoftwoboys has me cracking up over! Write some more please!!!

      Reply
    • andy says:
      at 11:44 am

      DofTB,

      [BEGIN PURE UNADULTERATED SARCASM:]

      You all seem to have missed the world-saving insight of Pat’s wisdom. He’s got me convinced now. Or at least conviced or covincend.

      What we need to do is round up anyone who is co-sleeping, especially single parents or parents of 3 or more kids that don’t live in mansions or castles and sterilize them and take their children away.

      [END PURE UNADULTERATED SARCASM]

      Reply
      • DadOfTwoBoys says:
        at 12:58 pm

        Andy,

        When you put the argument in such terms of these, I find myself unable to form any logical rebuttal.

        I guess I SHOULD volunteer to be sterilized…

        Oh, what future horrors have I wrought upon my children by not going with the “simple solution” and having them in bed with me!?!?

        I FEEL ASHAMED!!!

        (Pat… Again, to keep you up to speed, Andy and I both just exhibited “sarcasm”. That means that we Really disagree with you, but we are saying we agree with you in such a way that all the readers of this blog, except you probably, will be able to tell that we are really mocking [that means “making fun of”] you.)

        Everybody, sorry for the long editorial comment. I fear our friend Pat needs a little extra help to understand certain concepts.

        Reply
        • andy says:
          at 1:32 pm

          Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Rock the sarcasbah.

          Reply
        • FirstTimeMom says:
          at 12:36 pm

          I just woke my son up coz i’m laughing histerically while reading DadOfTwoBoys comments. yes i’m late in seeing this and finding this site but trust me, this is hands down the best website there is! Pat is more likely one of the crazy “I’m so perfect” mothers we encounter on Babycenter. love this site Charlie and Andy.
          ps i live in Jamaica!

          Reply
  • Clint S says:
    at 6:33 pm

    Please do not make the mistake of facing in when in the H position. Your toddler will kick you in the face, resulting in a bloody pillow.
    Heed my warning new dads!

    Reply
  • Helen says:
    at 3:16 am

    As a single mum, I still get half the H happening. My kid has half of my queen size bed, but its just not enough for him. He needs to have it ALL and will ensure this happens by kicking mum from head to toes until she gets up and sleeps in her son’s single bed :o\

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 11:26 am

      Be on the look out for “The Concussion” or “Massive Head Trauma” in the series. 😉

      Reply
      • Helen says:
        at 2:26 am

        Hahahahahaha, I have a friend who’s the single mother of 2 year old twin boys.
        She lies in the middle of her bed to keep the kids from fighting with one another. So she has involuntarily offered her body to be the 3D kicking/smacking/punching bag of both boys lol.

        Moral of this story: Every time you think your kids are pure evil, there’s always someone out there worse off than you 😉

        Reply
        • andy says:
          at 9:52 am

          Ha ha! That last sentence needs to be one or more of the following: A) a t-shirt, B) a fortune cookie fortune, or C) a tattoo.

          Reply
          • Helen says:
            at 2:59 pm

            I was actually looking for a nice present to give her for Christmas. I’ll be going to the printers today and get her a t-shirt to wear to bed with that ^^ slogan on it.
            Perfect! He he

  • "The Mom with 2 Kids" says:
    at 10:06 pm

    You most definitely need a new diagram for “The T” or “the hat” as we call it. Yes, when a wee little one climbs to the top of the bed, laterally covering the pillows, and curls to the contour of the top of your head. My hair used to get stuck under the child, and so in my sleep-deprived state I would just take the pain…. And perhaps this diagram would most accurately show two children in the bed with parents (we did graduate to a king-sized bed. only to find that it would invite more children into our bed at times)–one in the hat formation, while the other offers a variation of the H/Donkey Kong, all while swirling all blankets around themself, which we refer to as “pig in a blanket.” Yes, we have interesting sleeping formations. And cold, blanketless parents….and you wonder why it’s so hard to find time for sex!

    Reply
    • Helen says:
      at 2:21 am

      You just have to be more original when it comes to sex. The bed isn’t the only place you know hehehe ;o)
      I have been told that co-sleeping parents have the best sex life as it forces them to find other less common spots to do the deed…

      Reply
  • nicole schukow says:
    at 9:06 pm

    you need to do one of these for us with twins, we do the H about everynight, plus another baby laying the opposite way, mostly on top of her sister. or the H with the other one laying across my pillow on my head, kicking her sister!!! oh the joys!!!

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 3:21 pm

      We know we know. We REALLY need to get the twins and multiple kids represented in the series.

      Reply
  • Anna says:
    at 1:15 am

    This is all making me laugh super hard. I love it!! We are not the only ones with funny sleeping positions!! We love co-sleeping though(not being sarcastic). There are ups and downs, but nothing could replace the bond it has created with our kids and the trust. They know they can always come to us when scared or sick. I remember being so scared in my room when I was little and feeling like i couldn’t go to my parents room. I am glad my children won’t have to feel that way. And when our baby deliriously wakes up and starts smiling and playing with our faces it gives me a good midnight chuckle. haha! These are the memories we will always remember. Kids are only kids for a little while, savor the H/table/hat positions while they last!!

    Reply
    • andy says:
      at 3:23 pm

      So touching. 🙂

      These all come from Charlie’s and my experience, so we’re totally there with you. My wife and I love it too, despite its downfalls, it’s upsides are priceless.

      Reply
  • Dorothy Gale says:
    at 7:56 am

    At our house we call this the “Minus Sign”, because 1-1=0 sleep!

    Reply
  • Karin says:
    at 12:26 pm

    My back started to hurt the second I saw this H! Been there, done that. However, I tend to get the foot in the ear treatment more often, I wonder if we will actually miss these nights?

    Reply
  • Desifix says:
    at 7:37 pm

    The baby shouldn’t be in the bed with parents to begin with… that’s one of the many ways that babies die, via suffocation by their sleeping mom or dad!

    Reply
  • stacy says:
    at 1:08 pm

    We usually dont have any kids in bed with us but we were on vacation. We let my daughter sleep in bed with us, the first and second night was fine. Then the third night I woke up to her foot in my face it was the N postion. She had footed pj’s on so it didnt hurt as bad when she kicked me in the face! lol Well we are back home and she is back in her own bed thank god. By the way my daughter is 2 so the H one nearly pushed me off the bed a few times and the last few night we made her a pillow bed on the floor because we couldnt take the no sleep anymore.

    Reply
  • Angela says:
    at 3:07 am

    These images are genius. We still deal with the H on occasion when our 4 year old joins us in the early morning hours. But I usually get his head in the kidneys or shoulder blades while my poor husband gets kicked in the stomach/back/crotch. How this position occurs is still a mystery in our household.

    Cosleeping has definitely been one of the greatest joys of parenting for us. After our son was born with a heart defect (undetected before birth) requiring immediate open-heart surgery followed by a 3-week stay in cardiac intensive care, we couldn’t bear to leave his side when he finally came home. Cosleeping allowed me to nurse through the night while still getting plenty of sleep (until he got bigger and started to kick and form the H, of course), plus I could open my eyes and gaze at him in wonderment whenever I wanted to. So much baby love…

    Great site, by the way. Will share with my hubby!

    Reply
    • Andy says:
      at 1:01 pm

      Thanks! For all the full we poke at co-sleeping difficulties, Charlie and I and our wives rock our son’s in bed with us and couldn’t imagine not have done it. Wonderment says it all. 🙂

      Reply
  • Mommy2Bof3 says:
    at 4:08 pm

    Surprisingly, I would KILL for a night that my kids would revert back to the H position. Currently we are being graced with the the “How-Many-Fingers/Toes-Can-I-Shove-Up-Mommy’s-Nose”…

    Reply
  • Helen says:
    at 4:10 pm

    My son has been sick for the last few days and I have let him sleep in my bed. It’s been a while since he last slept in my bed and I remembered the kicks in the head I got last time he slept in my bed.

    This time he would cuddle upto me and poke his finger in my nose saying “nose” followed by finger in my eyes “ai” then finished with hair pulling “air”.
    He also had a 39C fever and cuddling me made me a little too hot for comfort. I pushed him to the other half of the bed and I then ended up with his bum against the back of my head. A bit like a T.
    I can’t believe how much space one little 2 year old can take up in a big queen size bed.
    I ended up sleeping in his bed again.

    Looking forward to seeing more awkward sleep positions :oP

    Reply
  • John says:
    at 6:23 am

    This is HILARIOUS because it just happened to me the other day!

    Reply
  • How to Be a Dad Shares Hilarious Co-sleeping Baby Sleep Positions Diagrams | Inhabitots says:
    at 9:02 am

    […] his arms and legs, causing you and your partner to hug the edges of the bed. Or, the dreaded H. How to Be a Dad co-founder Andy says, it was one of the first ideas he and other co-founder […]

    Reply
  • How to Be a Dad’s Baby Sleep Positions Diagrams at Bunchland says:
    at 9:11 am

    […] Which one is the most common in your bed? We’re going to have to go with H is for Hell. […]

    Reply
  • Adam says:
    at 8:06 pm

    Exact position our 2 yr old sleeps in excpet mom gets a good karate heel strike to the ribs every now and then to enusre she is still up while I get the sharpest baby fingernails forcing their way under me while they pinch and scratch my skin.

    Reply
  • Roshan says:
    at 9:33 pm

    Well…my son did this and more…in the mornings he would somehow try to climb on my tummy to lie there.he would also crawl over to my head and try to bite my face..with his toothless mouth.

    But could you imagine the condition of my sis and bro-in-law who has triplets -2 boys and a girl…imagine them…and say your prayers .. counting your blessings.

    Reply
  • Baby Sleep Positions : Corner Stork Baby Blog says:
    at 6:20 pm

    […] “H Is for Hell” […]

    Reply
  • Robby says:
    at 4:40 am

    What’s really funny (but not real funny) is that it’s 3:30am and I’m laying on the edge of the bed reading this website because I have a pair of four-year old feet laying across my abs. I don’t get good H sleep but if she doesn’t show up sometime throughout the night I miss her. :(.

    Reply
  • Shell says:
    at 8:05 pm

    There’s a very good reason why my 6 year old still sleeps with me. The point is, she’s a trained assassin in her sleep. I have a king size bed and it’s just me and her and a cat, the cat is always at the foot of the bed, because, well, she’s smart. My kid chops me in the throat, kicks my boobs, drives her elbow into my ear, kicks me in the stomach. I quit sleeping with my back to her a long time ago since I’ve had back surgeries. I finally started putting one of those hugging pillows(a pillow the length of two) and it’s done wonders for my physical and mental health!! 🙂

    Reply
    • Andy says:
      at 12:41 pm

      All kids are trained assassins! Ha ha! It’s a good thing they’re just so damned cute and amazing. 😉

      Reply
  • Dmose says:
    at 9:09 am

    I just would like to add the infamous “Y” position where the baby literally kicks your bladder into mush. You wake up trying not to use it on yourself and you baby lies there still as if they did nothing… ugh. Trailoftears I tell you. They start at one side of the bed and end up in the “y” position.

    Reply
    • Andy says:
      at 4:07 pm

      Ugh! I hear ya. It’s the worst when you kinda have to go to the bathroom but are clinging desperately to sleep in a near-useless attempt to get whatever crumbs of sleep you can.

      Reply
  • Rebecca says:
    at 2:26 pm

    Our 2 yr old is still sleeping with us (cluck to yourselves all you want) and we suffer through H with our dear son Holden every night. Earlier in the week his “H” turned into flopping himself up and OVER my body and onto the floor face first. Now he’s wearing a red carpet burned nose to pre-school.

    Reply
    • Andy says:
      at 10:59 am

      We had our Lucas in bed with us for that long and longer, so no clucking over here. 😉

      Reply
  • Lola says:
    at 8:30 am

    It is May 25th 2012 and this is still funny and relevant and OMG so true…yes H stands for HELL…

    Reply
    • Andy says:
      at 10:58 am

      Ha ha! It will always be true. I could have illustrated a couple of cavepeople. Ug and Og with their little Ook in between, sleeping the H position on a stone slab, before writing was even invented. 😉

      Reply
  • Helen says:
    at 4:07 am

    What do you call a position where mum is lying straight on the right side of the bed and the child lies diagonally head down on the left side of the bed and with a toe up mums nose?

    Reply
  • Michele says:
    at 7:50 pm

    We have a 3 & 2 year old that sleep with us. I thought the “H” was our category but I think it should be “E” for Edge… Mom on one edge of the bed hanging on to the mattress cover for dear life and dad hanging 89% of his body PAST the edge of the bed (I don’t know how he does it!!). We also have the “sticks” in which dad & the 3 year old lay like sticks at the foot of the bed & mom & the 2 year old lay like sticks at the head of the bed. My 2 year old has just introduced me to “I want to sleep on mommy’s pillow” in which we both must now share I pillow while the “E” is in effect… Is it crazy? Sure is! But I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!!! Lmbo

    Reply
  • Olga says:
    at 7:20 am

    In our case my husband just gives up and goes to sleep in our toddler’s bed. 6 nights a week. I laugh saying that we have made a lovely toddler room for him to sleep in but I can tell he doesn’t find it funny anymore!

    Reply
    • Andy says:
      at 10:21 am

      Yeah, a lot of people employ the retreat strategy in the war of the bed. Sometimes the humor of it does kind of drain away… hence, these diagrams, to make it funny again! Hopefully.

      Reply
  • FirstTimeMom says:
    at 12:42 pm

    I just woke my son up coz i’m laughing histerically while reading DadOfTwoBoys comments. yes i’m late in seeing this and finding this site but trust me, this is hands down the best website there is! Pat is more likely one of the crazy “I’m so perfect” mothers we encounter on Babycenter. love this site Charlie and Andy.
    ps i live in Jamaica!

    Reply
    • Andy says:
      at 1:07 am

      I’m laughing (safely away from sleeping children) reading that you laughed hysterically. Wow! You’re so kind, thank you!

      P.S. The fact that you are in Jamaica makes me feel like a friggin’ celebrity. 🙂

      Reply
  • FirstTimeMom #Jamaica says:
    at 8:17 am

    oh yeah u guys are my celebs…don’t even wonder if i wont be recommending this site to all ma frenz!

    Reply
  • FirstTimeMom #Jamaica says:
    at 9:08 am

    sorry that should read, “…wonder if i will be…” lol. English i tell u!!!

    Reply
  • Jo says:
    at 8:11 pm

    Wow! I found y’all at the #UBP 2013. Very funny stuff. Love your blog. We didn’t do the co-sleeping thing. My kids pediatrician thought it wasn’t a good idea. When my kids came home from the hospital they were in my bedroom (in a bassinet)right next to my bed for about 6 months so that I could hear them and so I didn’t have to go far to get them, often I didn’t even have to get out of bed. Once they were 6 months old or so, they were moved to a crib in their own room. We always used a monitor so we could hear them if they woke up. When my son died in 2004 (he was 10, and was killed in an auto accident) my daughter, who was 8 at the time,did sleep with my husband and I for a few weeks. We have a king size bed. I slept in the middle, so it wasn’t weird or anything. She just went through a very rough time and needed us. But other than that, we never co-slept with our kids. I always rocked my kids to sleep at night when they were babies/toddlers, though. I enjoyed that time with them.

    Reply
  • Jo says:
    at 8:14 pm

    All that being said, I know lots of people who co-sleep with their kids and if you’re happy and your kids are happy…go for it. To each their own. Blessings…xoxo

    Reply
  • Kirsten says:
    at 11:44 am

    This is awesome! Nothing much changes by ages 4 & 6!! Except the “baby” is MUCHHH taller and the parents hang off the bed. Is that how planking was invented?

    (this is only on the nights they manage to sneak into bed with us so there is some reprieve)

    Reply
    • Andy says:
      at 12:25 am

      Ha ha! I think planking was invented by parents who fell asleep flat on their faces because their kids were pulling an H all night.

      Reply
  • Elizabeth gully says:
    at 12:22 am

    Ha ha. My grand daughter sleeps like this .. She is two. ., and as far as blanket hogging goes hubby says I leave him the washing instruction tag to cover him self. . She also like to lift eye lids to see if we are asleep .. And if her foot does not end up my bum its up hubbies not nice.. Oh. You can bet once all in bed and snug then she needs to fart. Thank you very much one stinky two year old.. Or you are comfy and they want a drink….

    Reply
  • Pamela says:
    at 3:04 pm

    I never had this problem, My son Wyatt sleep with my and his daddy at time but only if he wakes up during the night wanting someone, but after he falls back asleep, one of us put him back in his bed, and he knows that’s where he belongs. now are daughter is 5 mos old and hopefully we can get her to sleep in her own bed like we did our son.

    Reply
  • Jason says:
    at 9:18 pm

    Not a fan of the H, unfortunately the picture does little justice to all the foreplay that leads up to the H. Things like our child trying to kick start a motorcycle for 15 mins, WWE headbutting and I don’t think you realize I’m in bed with you so I will slap you in the face while I’m rolling over

    Reply
  • Ashe says:
    at 10:45 am

    Your kid must love you more than the kids I’ve known who slept with their parents. The men always get the feet. And if Daddy isn’t careful to sleep with his back to baby, Daddy wakes up half-sterile in the morning because baby had a bad dream. Or was maybe running to get a dream cookie?

    Reply

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