Bad Product Idea #10: Peter Pottymouth Proper Pronunciation Wheel
Whether you chuckle or upchuck a little when your little one accidentally swears because of mispronunciation, it’s okay, sheet happens. Rest assured! It’s just part of learning to talk.
But now, with the Peter Pottymouth Proper Pronunciation Wheel, you can put rocket boosters on the unfortunately foul-mouthed part of the learning process. Grandma’s poor heart need not be set to fluttering by apparently being called a b##ch in response to giving her grandchild a pail and shovel. Your toddler will master the word beach and countless other “at risk” words, with the help of the system’s learning wheels.
Levels of Learning
Not every kid fumbles the common “at-risk” words into the gutter, so the Peter Pottymouth Proper Pronunciation Wheel system comes with several interchangeable pop-in learning wheels to offer a wide variety as well as increasing levels of complexity.
The Level 1 learning wheels will teach your kid to point out a truck or ask for a fork without dropping the f-bomb, and pick up a stick without calling it a word that starts with a D and ends with you face-palming.
At Level 2 your toddler won’t be asking to see Jim Carrey playing a zanny, green-faced character in “Dumbass,” and “vacuum” won’t sound like “f##k you” anymore.
The Level 3 learning wheels concentrate on high vocabulary and less common inadvertent curses such as tints, pushy, trot, ashes, etc. The word “pacifier” need not sound like a vulgar statement that a woman’s groin is ablaze.
How It Works
Simply install 24 AA batteries (tiny screwdriver and blowtorch not included with product), pop in a learning wheel and press the big orange button. The player will produce exciting sounds as it spins the disc and randomly selects a practice word.
No Adult Interaction Required
You’re paying a lot for this thing, so you might as well get your money’s worth, right? So, you can choose the vocalizer/judgement mode and it will speak the practice word, training your child all by itself. AND! The player comes with a mic and sophisticated speech-recognition software to analyze your child’s attempts to say the word; buzzing for failure and chiming for success.
Side Effects
At first, your toddler may appear to be swearing like a longshoreman with a bad caffein headache as they learn and practice these new and not yet mastered “at risk” words. But d##k with it, heh, I mean stick with it and your child’s speech will soon come out squeaky clean and wholesome.
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Steve says: 
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