50 Ways to Nudge Your Lover (Part 2 of 5)
WARNING: The suggestions in this series are not recommended for couples with any special medical conditions or for anyone without a sense of humor. Please also note that if you try any of these, in addition to encouraging sex, it may also result in the end of your relationship, marriage or life.
Here we go again, boys and girls. Round 2! Completely unqualified love tips to let your lover know it’s go time. As in “sex” go. Not “departing to some other location” go. Yeah, you probably didn’t need that explanation.
And now for the second set! 11-20:
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#11 The Power of SongWhat you want to say with words, others have said in song. Get your music player ready, find her and embrace her as if to whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Then slip an earbud into her ear. Whole Lotta Love. Let’s Get It On. Pour Some Sugar On Me. I Want Your Sex. It doesn’t matter what kind of music she’s into, every genre has a tune about making sweet music with your bodies. Even Classical probably has a symphony or two set around some story of horny Gods or mythological creatures humping vigorously in the woods. |
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#12 Lookout PointGet lost while driving and “accidentally” wind up on lovers lane, or some scenic overview of the city night. Heck! Run out of gas. It’s easy these days with gas prices looking more like swear words written in number form. Remember though, this tactic is for lovers and spouses that have been together a while. Trying this one too early just makes your passenger look in the back seat for bottles of lotion and an axe. |
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#13 Sign LanguageMaybe there are others within earshot, or there’s a sleeping kid nearby, or you once dreamt of being some sort of naughty mime, whatever, you just don’t want to say it out loud. A silent gesture is all that’s needed to let her know it’s time to… make the finger go in and out of the OK sign. Or at least that you really want it to be. (This also means “You are so beautiful!” in Guy Sign Language) |
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#14 Wild KingdomSex is part of Nature. Rent or download a nature documentary and, while watching it together, subtly mimic the behavior of the critters whose courtship and mating habits are unfolding before your eyes. If she hasn’t run away and still hasn’t gotten the message, cut to the chase and just start humping her leg. (Women nudging men can try this too, you’d be surprised at how effective it might be.) |
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#15 Naked Captain MorganOne of our readers (Christina) suggested this swashbuckling move. Though this one is less about the buckling and more about the swash. Strip down naked and strike the commanding Captain Morgan pose, placing your foot on her knee as if it were a barrel. Arrr, matey! Hopefully you wind up with pirate’s booty, but remember, you may walk the plank. |
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#16 Keeping Up with the JonesesTell her that you were talking to a neighbor or a friend at work or wherever, you’ll be lying so it doesn’t matter. Explain that he said that they were having sex X times a month. (X being an amount five times greater than the sex you two are having.) Might stir up some competitiveness. But lying is bad for a relationship, so you can laugh and let her in on the “joke” with a light punch in the arm. |
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#17 The Royal TreatmentBeing mind-bendingly burnt out is one of sex’s greatest enemies. How about arranging a day at the spa for her to have it all scrubbed and rubbed away? Tell them to go crazy with lava rocks, cucumber wedges everywhere, even have them release a white dove. Follow it up with take-out from a restaurant of her choice and eat it on plates so disposable they throw themselves out. It’s not that you aren’t busting your ass too. It’s that you want sex really badly. |
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#18 Sexi for iPhoneYou’re going to need some mad hacker skillz for this one, or the suitable alternative: a friend who has them. Slip away with her iPhone, if she doesn’t have one, get her one, okay! Do you want sex or not!?! |
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#19 Barry White Strikes BackYep. Again. Barry White. Trust me! Barry White. |
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#20 RansomNotes can be really romantic, but this is about adult sexual desire and perhaps desperation, not some kiddy classroom crush! What’s the nuclear bomb of notes? A ransom note. So kidnap something precious, like a mobile phone, a favorite pair of shoes or a Facebook account, and make your demands clear. Sex! Now! (Make sure to include the condition that they’re not to call the cops.) |
I write these from a man’s view because it’s just easier for me and the whole he/she writing device sucks. Plus, my wife would probably be a little weirded out by me writing about Captain Morgan getting her deck swabbed or something. But! As stated before, these can all be applied in reverse, gender-wise. Woman to man. We men sometimes need some encouragement, too. And we very often need our toenails properly tended to by spa professionals.
-Andy
Since the first “50 Ways…” post, Andy has been referred to as the “love doctor” but please be advised that he has received no formal training in either the subject of love or of being a doctor.
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Facebook Is Kinda Sexy
It’s like texting and a blog put Barry White on and let nature take its digital course.
Instructional Diagrams
These won’t make anyone want to have sex, unless laughter is foreplay in your culture.
Linda says: 
Laurie 
Jen 
Claudia 
Braindonkey 
phill 
MotherDuck 
Christina 
Karen H. 
Kelly 
Nicole 
Theresa 
Jill 
kmac 
