Bad Product Idea #8: Kid Freshener
Babies smell like fairies and edible flowers. Show me the person who figures out how to bottle the magical spell of baby-scent and I’ll show you someone who will soon be rich enough to buy an island, just to store fan mail. It’s like your nose died and went to heaven.
Unfortunately, just like a scratch-and-sniff sticker, the sweet scent fades away over time, and ultimately you’re left with a sweaty, dirty smelling funk. Kid stink. And ultimately teen reek. They’re grubby little ones. The sophistication and classines of proper hygiene tends to leave them flatly unexcited.
There is hope. Kid Freshener! All parents can benefit from an all natural, scent improvement solution that isn’t derived from the usual chemicals used in insanely toxic perfumes or plugin fragrance bombs and candles. Imagine your ten-year-old smelling like bacon. Okay, stop drooling, and now imagine what unicorn breath* must smell like. Right? You wanna rush out and buy a case simply to find out! And for those parents that love seeing their child grow up but have part of their heart broken because they’re not babies anymore, there’s Newborn Smell! Recapture the magic and cover up the funk. Double rainbow! All the way.
I know that you’re probably thinking, “Hey. Just give ’em a bath regularly.” Hmmmmm… F##K YOU!!! Uh. Did I just write that out loud? Whoops! I think I’m developing Tourette’s, or my kids gave it to me or something. Ha ha! You see, no one who has raised kids uses the word “just” (a word which says no big deal) anywhere near the words “give ’em a bath regularly.” Okay. Maybe there are some parents out there that birth merbabies, and they just loved to splish splash all day long, but for the vast majority of the rest of us, unlucky enough to NOT have aquatic marvels for children, it can be rough from time to time! Add to this the fact that kids have a tendency to get into astonishingly foul smelling things and circumstances without a care in the world or nostril, and you have an occasionally foul smelling kid.
For those days, there’s Kid Freshener.
* No unicorns are harmed in the formulation and manufacturing of the Kid Freshener Unicorn Breath scent improvement necklace.
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