Bad Product Idea #13: The Mommequin

Posted under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

The Mommequin female animatronic parental decoy unit

Kids never leave you alone when they’re yours. If you want alone-time, you’re really fighting a ridiculously losing battle. But now they don’t have to leave “you” alone. What if you could be present when you just really need to be absent? Now you can! With the purchase and set up a life-sized robotic figure, customized with your likeness, that they can pester be distracted by, while you enjoy things like [insert anything here].

Imagine the possibilities…

    • Catch up on a favorite show or game without interruption.
    • Talk on the phone without a single “hang on a sec…”
    • Cook or clean or vegetate without someone underfoot making a mess right behind you.
    • Shower long enough to wash your hair.
    • Poop alone.

For new or prospective parents, there will be a point when you realize that privacy and solitude are simply wax under the nuclear flamethrower of parenthood. It will quickly sink in that babysitting is much easier said than done. It’s possible you may even begin noticing some indications that you’re not gonna win anything made of gold in the Best Parent category. Well, since there isn’t a way to create and manufacture a highly-profitable robotic product that commercializes improved parenting, here’s a product that at least helps make even bad parenting easier. If that’s what you’re into. Hey! Pooping alone is pretty sweet when you haven’t done it for two or infinity years.

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Remember that these are not real products and therefore can not be really be sued.

11 Comments

  • Marilyn says:

    HA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Oh, this is priceless. I would indeed love to be able to use conditioner on my hair more than once in a blue moon! I think you might need to make a “slightly larger size” model, though. And lose the heels. How many moms actually wear heels while running around the house parenting? Put one of those in jeans or sweats and we’re good!

  • Carl says:

    And after the kids are asleep she magically transforms into “wifequin”, right? I’m guessing some of the same descriptions for the mommequin would still apply with some slight modifications.

    • Mother Duck says:

      Oh my.

    • Anonononomus says:

      Funny you said that, when i first came on the page I wasn’t looking and on the side where it shows the mouth coming down (Your Blah) I thought that white stuff coming down her mouth might’ve been an extra feature for the hubby. LOL

  • paddy says:

    My 4 yr old boy keeps touching my face (one side is almost worn off)…he might notice the difference with a Mommequin. The 12yr old boy is on a hands off policy – he doesnt hug and we shdn either in public…they grow up so fast!… I wil need a Babyquinn in a few years, one who keeps touching my face..lol

  • Jen says:

    this is freaking me the f… out.

  • I should have one of those to ease the workload.

  • Mimi says:

    I needs me one of those. My 3 year old drives me nuts.

  • Jo says:

    Can I get me a ‘Wifequin’…my 16 year old already wants nothing to do with me, it’s my husband I cant get rid of…

  • Holly Stewart says:

    I just want the hand, seriously. My son’s “security blanket” is the back of my hand, rubbing my knuckles. I’ve actually thought about ways of duplicating a hand!

  • Christine Taylor says:

    My Kids Would Take It Apart And Ask Why I’m Upset….

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