The Family Pet… Robot

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Roomba Dog Pet Products Best Buy

 
When the question of whether we should get a family dog or cat came up, I admit I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed a little bit. Okay, a LOTtle bit.

I’ve had a Beastmaster level of family pets. Mammals, reptiles, birds, amphibians, fish oh my! I even tried to keep captured insects as pets, but they died so fast it’s uncertain whether they counted as pets, or prisoners on some bug death row with no waiting list.

We’ve got three kids. As much as I’d like for my littlest to experience a family pet, it just seems like there’s enough playing, feeding and bodily functions to go around.

So!

I had a crazy idea.

Let me explain. I’m a nerd who’s still waiting for the release of an iPhone that’s also a hoverboard, and my wife is a cleanoholic who stares daily into the endless void of laundry, dishes and vacuuming. I headed out, not to the local pet store, but to Best Buy. Though they seem like they sell just about everything, they don’t sell pets. Well…

They had the next best thing: an iRobot Roomba 770!

 
punched holes in the Roomba box
 

I punched air holes into the box to properly simulate the new pet experience. And also because I’m probably insane. If the raised eyebrows on my wife’s face are anything to go by.

 
Cool but not cute yet
 

Cool! But not cute. Yet! I put on a puppy face with googly eyes, attached a tail, set it on the ground and pressed “Clean.”

 
Fluffy the robot dog

 

 
I know I wasn’t expecting it to pee itself or start humping a chair leg, but I honestly wasn’t expecting it to just start working. My lad’s eyes and mine were matching sets of delight. My wife’s were wide but I don’t think it was with what one would call delight. I hugged her to my side and said, “What? Look at ’em go!”

I was hoping for a name like Roombo or Rover-2D2 or something, but my littlest named him Fluffy. He says it’s “Fwuffy da wobot dog,” so you could pretty much melt s’mores over the cuteness.

 
Scratching Fluffy's head
 

It’s not like I save lint balls from my pocket as treats for the cute lil’ guy. You can’t prove anything.

Also?

We just hit Best Buy again for another “family pet.” This one was more for me. I never loved a cat so much.

 
Keurig K45 Elite Automatic
 

We haven’t settled on an official name yet, so we’re just using Mr. Keurig K45 Elite McAutomatic or simply “the life nectar machine.” My 4yo son loves making it go pee pee (making my coffee). I don’t know if I’m in love with this way of putting it, though.

As I sip a yummy cup of ::ehem:: coffee and stare at myself in our clean floors, I wonder if maybe I’m doing something weird to my kid mentally, but then I remember Teddy Ruckspin and Furbies.

 
Playing ball with Fluffy
 

Sure, he won’t be able to play a terrifically interactive game of fetch, or experience the ecstasy of a wiggled laser pointer, but I rest assured that I’m probably stimulating his imagination and definitely preparing him for when humans need to learn to live in peace with robots and coffee makers.

Maybe we’ll do pets that lick themselves later.

 
Fluffy sleeping in bed with Lucas

“โ€œ

Get Your Own “Family Pet” at Best Buy
They’ve got all loads of options. You’ll have to go somewhere else for the animal faces and tails, though.

Want More Animal Shenanigans?
Here’s more of our stuff of the subject of critters.

Disclosure: This post is brought to you by the rad folks at Best Buy. To learn more and find great deals on small appliances that do big things, visit BestBuy.com/DoBigThings.

18 Comments

  • Desiree says:

    Your wife is very forgiving.

    This reminds me of the beginning of ‘Bicentennial Man’. In all the creepier ways. “Family, meet Fluffy Roomba. Fluffy, meet the family.”

    • Andy says:

      Read some Azimov (probably “again” because I know you) and then think of how touching a story could be created from such a magicless materialist. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Elizabeth says:

    I wish we had thought of getting a “pet” that was useful. Our family “pet” is a Fur Real Friends “bouncy” dog My daughter named Wowwy Loopsy. Our next one is going to be the cat they have that “plays” with toys it comes with.

    These are Christmas presents my husband buys for the family. At least, these are mess free as well. AND, can be turned off.

    • Andy says:

      The “can be turned off” is the most important feature ever. They should print it on packaging really big when applicable. Sales doubled.

  • Kat says:

    He kissed it.

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

    While he may grow up to believe that all of his emotional and relationship troubles are your fault and that he was sold an electronic bill of goods in lieu of a childhood, I’m glad that he’ll have the things you’ve written to look back on and will hopefully find the humor in it. And he’ll probably be one of those dads who gets his kids any pet they ask for and will have 17 dogs. At least they won’t be shitting on YOUR floor.

    • Andy says:

      I KNOW! I was shooting it and he telescoped his neck and smooched it and I was like WIN!!! Ha ha! I know he’ll love it all. He’s already giving me adult-level patience when I ask him to do something again for a retake. He’s adorable.

  • Chris Green says:

    pretty sure I would die without my Keurig!

  • J-Hi not J-Low says:

    That was just to darn cute.

  • George says:

    We just got the 770 as well – love it!!! My favorite feature is the scheduler. We call it Barbara (or babs for short). Where do you get the animal faces?

    • Andy says:

      I can’t believe it. I was honestly shocked. Crazy. Where’s my hover-roomba though?

  • Laurie says:

    Are you kidding me coffee freak that you JUST got a keurig?!? Keurig is the best thing that has ever happened to home coffee makers! I honestly feel like I might die if mine broke or something! Ok ok the robot dog is pretty neat also..Lucas is always a doll!

    • Andy says:

      HELL NO! I just featured it here for the story. I’ll be buried with my Keurig after they make espresso shots from my ashes. Or something.

  • auntiejl says:

    I am not showing this to my husband.

    He will want to replace our cats with these.

    And while one of them is currently driving me insane (whichever has decided that the toyroom is the new litterbox), I can’t give any of them up.

    • Andy says:

      I loved our cats. Constant sources of entertainment and what we called smoo factor. They were our smoos. Pronounced smooz. Okay I’ll shut up. We always name our pets and then begin giving them nicknames that are the linguistic equivalent of Star Trek teleporter accident. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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