The Circle Closes in the Land of Nod

Posted under NOTEBOOK

family-time-desk

We moved the weekend before last and everything has changed. Especially us.

When you live in places without children of your own, there is no permanence. Having kids, no matter where you reside, anchors you to time and place like nothing else. I saw the pregnancy stick read positive in one apartment. I watched my wife go into labor in another. My baby became a boy in yet another small, expensive living space. Such is life in California, but these events left important pieces of my journey on the Google Map of my story here.

How did he go from three to 12 overnight?

I’ve been really lucky in life. I moved down to Los Angeles, lied on my résumé to get an entry-level job and then looked for a cheap place to call home. California isn’t the most economical place to live, so you adjust your perception of dimension to accept what you can get. Tiny becomes cozy. But I worked hard to stay away from the starving artist cliché as much as I could. During our relationship, my wife (before I brainwashed her into marrying me) and I would go through these seesaw extremes where one of us would have a job while the other had none. When my son came I felt like I had no choice but to do everything I could to make his entry into our lives as smooth as possible, financially and otherwise. I also felt like I had a renewed purpose to make a kingdom for my growing family. An empire of fart jokes and Crohn’s disease commercials, sure. But I earned it.

With Baby #2 (for now, let’s call him Prince) on the way, it had to happen. We were busting out of our shoebox/treehouse of a place. The idea of raising Finn and Prince (I see him in a purple onesie with a mustache, now) in a two bedroom apartment, made my skin crawl. I haven’t lived in a house for over 13 years. Coincidentally, that’s also how long I’ve lived apart from my mom.

But we’re making an impossibility happen, motherfrienders. We found a house with a yard, a pool and some really spectacular hardwood floors. You may have seen some of the photos on Instagram:

driveway
livingroom
office
office2

Now, you might be thinking to yourselves: ‘Did Charlie win the lottery? Is his tiny blog making gobs of money? Did the book do so well he can retire?’

Oh, friends. The answer is nope. None of the above.

The answer lies in the past. We used to be a culture primarily made of multigenerational homes. We supported each other with three or more generations under one roof. We fought together and with each other. We overlapped children, parents and grandparents. Sometimes, more. Instead of going it alone with Prince (should I get him a raspberry-colored beret?), I’ve invited my mother to come live with us. Some of you may think I’m crazy, based on your own mothers or mothers-in-law, but we’re all aware it’s an experiment. More succinctly, it’s a gift. Finn was so tiring. He never slept. He had trouble latching. We also ran ourselves into the ground trying to do everything perfect with him. I was shellshocked by the whole thing, to be quite honest. I am actually excited for Finn to have his glam-ma (her words) around for an extended stay. They are thick as thieves. Wait, did someone steal my wallet?

living-room-empty

The layout of the house is perfect. We have a few rooms creating a buffer between our rooms and hers, and, for the first time in so very long, I smell trees, plants, dirt and all sorts of garden scents when I walk into or out of the house. I’m rooted again in a tiny plot of nature after growing up around acres of it. Of course, this will be a stretch for us financially. But no great thing came without some risk, some gamble. If it means I have to work more or produce more, so be it. The cost is worth it.

And most interesting of all, at the moment, a company has noticed my obsession with making our house a home. I’ve got some sort of male version of nesting, if that’s a thing. I’ll call it “lairing.” After a little hypnotism and a few love letters sealed with Finn’s saliva, Land of Nod has graciously decided to help subsidize my lairing addiction by sending out a senior designer from their company to help to create our boys’ rooms. Lots more on this AMAZING experience soon, but if you aren’t familiar with them GO HERE!

I will be giving you full access into how we’re designing things, revealing pieces of furniture, showing some cool before-and-afters and hopefully giving you discounts/promotions along the way. They aren’t paying me for this, but we’re huge fans of theirs. My lairing has officially taken over. Move over pregnant, nesting WIFE!

We’re still in a jungle of boxes but things are coming together. Avara is due in December. My mother’s move down here is due by sometime in November. I want to feel comfortable in this place. My home is where my family resides. But, for the first time, my family will where my home resides, together, in this place between reality and dreaming, my own land of nod.

Do you have any tips for me on multi-generational living? Any cool Land of Nod stuff you think Finn or Prince should have? Post them here!

21 Comments

  • Paula in NH says:

    Hooray for embracing multi-generational living. I was blessed to have my grandma live with us until I was 6, then she married the widower across the street. I have many fond memories of spending time with her during my childhood. My son, DIL and grandson live across the street from us now. I spend as much time as I can with my little guy.

    You and your wife are creating memories for your children that will last them a lifetime.

  • Best of luck! I think if you and your wife have a great relationship with your mother, it sounds like a great plan – especially with a new bub on the way! Best wishes for your new chapter of life 🙂

  • Jo says:

    What a great a great opportunity you all have! Some people would give their right arm to be that close with their parents and how great will it be for Finn and Prince to have their grandmother so close?!? Awesome!!

  • Jeska says:

    Darn it, you got me to look at their website.

    Now I want ALL the toys.

  • Maegan says:

    You should absolutely get these baskets. They are awesome. They come in a rainbow of (manly) colors and if they get sat on (which always happens with kids) you can bend them back into shape.

    http://www.landofnod.com/strapping-cube-bin/f670

  • Patty says:

    My husband and I have lived with my mom since we were married (four going on five years). My advice, for what it’s worth, give each other space, privacy, communicate, and everybody has to handle their problems one on one, not through whomever they aren’t upset with. Most importantly be fair, we all call each other out when one of us is being an idiot. My mom calls me out when I’m being unfair to the hubby and so on. It’s a wonderful thing and I am SO grateful my daughter has my mother in her everyday life.

  • I’m sure that was a lovely post overall, but I’m blinded by my jealousy and unhealthy adoration of all things Land of Nod.

    😉

  • Cassidy says:

    I LOVE Land of Nod. I have one of their chairs. Totally worth the money. Your boys’ rooms will be the best in the house 🙂

  • Maria says:

    Very exciting, congrats!

  • ElectraDaddy says:

    Congrats on the new home. As someone who grew up in FL where pools are popular and as someone who currently owns a home with a pool, get an electric pool cover (if you don’t already have one). This is an absolute must for anyone who has a pool and small children. Can’t stress this enough. Personal experience with this issue.

  • sistersister says:

    At one point, before my mother transcended this life, we had four generations living together in our home. It was fantastic. I enjoyed the quite moments I spent with my mother when everyone was out, and I enjoyed sharing the kitchen with her for holiday cooking and my children and their children also loved being around her, even when she was sometimes in a foul mood. I would say the greatest challenge to this type of arrangement is communication and chain of command. A wife can get lost between a dad and his mom, so I would suggest that dad be very sensitive to that possibility and draw the clear lies early on that must be drawn. They don’t have to be drawn in red, but mom, wife and dad must know that life can get very confusing and frustrating when the kids don’t understand who’s who in the chain of authority and the adults can get confused and frustrated too. We played it mostly by ear, allowing my mother to do as much as she wanted, when she wanted to. That kept her desire to be involved and her enthusiasm way up and it also made the kids feel really attached to her. They used to sleep in her room when she was ill and read to her, etc. That bonding began with doing the same with them in similar circumstances. As she aged, we realized that having allowed her to do her thing was the best decision we made. Her personality was strong and the kids got to know her and to see themselves in her, good and bad. You have to access the personalities involved and go from there. But overall, I’d say keep an eye on the dynamics of power sharing among the adults, and strict rules about sharing, private spaces and good manners make it all work. Good luck! Your family is in my prayers.

  • Steve says:

    Fantastic post! My wife and I have hinted to our parents (youngest is 70, oldest are 78) that we’d love to get one big house with them here in the city (Washington, DC). I think your idea is great. We, too have another one on the way, and community care is sounding really, really attractive 🙂

  • Larry says:

    Very cool that Land of Nod is helping you out.
    I hope the new digs turn out how you want them and you don’t come to regret living with your mom.

  • Nate says:

    I hear ya bro. My 8 week daughter is (thankfully) sleeping right now. She was concived in one country. Born in the U.S.of A. And now adjusting to another. My mom is here w/ us helping us out. For me it is kind of a strange combo. We have not figured out the intergenerational living. We have a bit of drama. All in all it is a plus, but there are some pretty big kinks to work out that floor plans just can’t fix.

  • Laurie says:

    Aww! Congratulations on your new home! It looks beautiful! I hope the addition of your mom living with you will be wonderful! The Land of Nod part is amazing!

  • The house is beautiful. This is exciting. I wish you well with your Mom-living-with-you experiment. I have to say, I can’t imagine getting busy with the Missus with my mom in the house. You’ll have to let us know how that goes! 🙂

  • NerdyLutheranChick says:

    I think they should definitely have the Charlie doll, the intergalactic playset, and the bankable bookcase!

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