Becoming a Dude-la (Male Doula)

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For those of you who’ve been following our parenting journey since the beginning of this fine establishment, you all know that our previous birth story was fast and furious. Finn made his entrance into this world in under four hours and our doula was a total no-show.

So, I’d like to give you five reasons I would be a great dude-la (male doula) for my wife during her delivery of my second son:

1. I sort of know vaginas

Not professionally, but personally. I mean, I’m not an expert but I would say I know my way around one. I ain’t afraid of no chocha. (That was said to the tune of the Ghostbusters theme song.)

2. I enjoy babies

I like babies. I could write a Seussian poem about why I like them and how and when and where, but I’ll just say that holding my little Finn when he was just born was magical.

3. I’m solid under pressure

I’ve been in some tough situations and helped people through them. I’m a problem solver and a calming influence. My hand can gripped so tightly it might explode and I’ll just giggle. Squeezing kegel muscles? I can support that.

4. I’m supportive

I’m a giver. It’s that simple.

5. My wife would never allow this to happen

There are competent professionals who assist birthing mothers. I am not one of those people. I’m not saying men CAN’T do this job, but I probably shouldn’t. Especially for my wife on this bout of people pooping. Becoming a doula is no small feat.

This time around, we’re approaching things so differently. You could argue that we’re being somewhat neglectful or lazy about the whole thing, but I prefer the term “nonchalant.” We white-knuckled the pregnancy/birth process so hard I thought I was going to get life arthritis and we have no desire to repeat that frantic feeling. Round two, we determined, would be different. Somehow.

Sure, we’re dipping back into some of the resources of our last childbirth square dance, but there’s a definite possibility this experience will be completely different. That’s okay. We’re embracing the future.

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8 Comments

Christine says:

at 9:50 am

I approve! We did our second the same… we’ll go with “nonchalant way”… as well. 2 weeks ago my husband was my dude-la for the second time and he was great at it. We had our friend there who really wants to be a doula and was excited to be at her new nephew’s birth and he was just walking her through everything. The only thing he’s lacking is his dude-la certificate. There is a certificate right? Well, there should be.

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Whitney says:

at 10:51 am

Wow! My doula was a no show too! I live so far from family and friends and this was my first baby and not knowing what labor was like…I hired a doula to be there for me and my husband…well…after calling her half a dozen times while in labor with no answer, being told by my midwife to “drink some water and sleep it off” I woke up at 1am to my water breaking and we ran to the hospital…I was crowning as I walked into the ER…needless to say my husband was way more useful than any doula out there (and he got lost on the way to the hospital causing me to ask for directions during contractions….)

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Chris @ Buff Daddio says:

at 1:54 pm

Yeah we had everything planned with military precision for our 1st, including the best-packed bag ever for the hospital – which was inevitably left in the car in our rush to get my wife to the labour ward when she went into labour a week early. 2nd one we winged it, 3rd one we had no time to plan for as our 2 boys were too busy melting our heads. Not sure how helpful I was each time… I say good for you though Mr Dude-la!

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Solar Serpent says:

at 2:50 pm

Profile: Canada’s first and only male doula

http://www.cbc.ca/thisisthat/blog/2013/09/06/profile-canadas-first-and-only-male-doula/

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Rebecca says:

at 9:38 pm

My first came in three hours (with our doula present), but the second was born on our living room rug in 45mins. My husband rocked that 911 call (both baby and I were fine), wrapped the little one in his own sweatshirt (because he didn’t know where I had stashed the baby blankets), and managed to get 90% of the blood out of the rug before following the ambulance to the hospital. Dudes can definitely doula. I just wish somebody had reminded us to be to be a little less nonchalant for the second round. Just saying.

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- Christine Taylor says:
  
  at 11:50 pm
  
  Ur Husband Is My Hero! Oh, Not For The Delivery And All That, But HE CLEANED THE CARPET! He Deserves A Medal! My Friend’s Water Broke With Twins On Her Couch And No One Bothered To Clean It Until She Came Home Three Days Later!
  
  Reply
Kevin says:

at 11:06 am

We looked into doulas for our first, but we were a little turned off by their sales pitch. The whole “You’re a useless tit and also doctors are evil” approach didn’t play well with me. How can someone who doesn’t even know me try to sell me a service by trying to convince me that I’m not going to be able to keep myself together?
And all the doulas we talked to seemed to use this fear-based sales approach. They wanted us to buy based on fear of their caricature of medical professionals, fear of “the man”, fear of our own weak selves in unfamiliar circumstance.
Forget that, we don’t act on fear.
Here’s the key for dads who aren’t scared out of being a “dude-la”: Read the same information your partner is getting, not the “10 useless things for new dads” articles that get pushed on you every which way you turn.

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Jo says:

at 7:25 am

I say do what makes you and the wife happy and keeps her and the baby safe…. Usually, a woman’s body does what it needs to do on it’s own and her instinct will tell her what she needs to do so just be there for her and she will tell you what she needs…. Just relax and enjoy the moment (s).

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