Babies are really terrible at making stuff. Unless it’s poop or pee, or making us smile and never sleep. So their first snowmen will require quite a bit of parental assembly. Some people wonder why parents do this for their babies (birthdays and snowmen and such), hinting that it’s all really just for the parents. Sure. However, I like to think that moments are important even if they won’t be remembered.

Toddlers are in perpetual imagination mode, so their snowmen will probably be a slushy form of abstract art. Or, for the more mischievous little ones, it may turn into snowball ammunition. Be on your guard, though; even the crappiest snowball thrown from the weakest arm is deadly when it’s studded with rocks and LEGOs.

Kids will discover that something feather-light and fluffy like snow becomes friggin-level heavy when it gangs up on you. Making a snowman is ridiculously misrepresented as looking way too easy in cartoons and movies. The first time I set about making one myself, right away I wondered why this wasn’t a competitive sport. Aside from it probably being basically the best sport ever, and having some pretty rad puffy quilted team uniforms, snowman-making is a really good test of strength and endurance.

Carrot penis disclaimer: Before you comment about how your teen is pure as the driven snow and would never do such a rude thing, remember two things. 1) it’s rumored that some kids have been known to be gross and silly, and these aren’t intended as accurate depictions of every single child (maybe your kid would do cocoanut boobs). 2) Instructional Diagrams are sort of intended for people with senses of humor.

Happy Winter, everyone! I live in L.A., so blast someone with a snowball for me!

 
Also see: Christmas Tree Decorating by Child Age
No carrot penises in this one. But I can’t promise it doesn’t have shark nipples.

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