Asian Parents React To ‘I Love You’

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Cultural differences are so interesting to me.

Between prejudice and glib observation, society often finds itself strangled societally by concepts about how our compatriots from varying backgrounds deal with parenting, children, and that lovely remix of the two.

But what if we could break down stereotypes, whether they were apt or not, by stepping outside our comfort zone?

This filmmaker decided to create an experiment where he and his fellow children of asian parents would tell their moms and dads simply that they loved them. Not being of asian descent myself, I can’t say whether this is a consistent theme, but I watched in a sort of fascinated, investigative way because I truly did want to know how these parents, many of whom haven’t said or heard those three words in quite some team, would react.

Check it out.

Steven Lim has gone one step further and is calling for you to video your parents reacting to hearing the words come from you. Post your videos and use hashtag #iloveyouchallenge. I’d be really interested to see how a diverse set of parents would answer up. Are there any other cultures suffering from an I-Love-You drought?

And shoutout to Steven for breaking down habits and documenting his life in intimate ways. Rad stuff.

Steven’s links:
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14 Comments

  • Desiree Fawn says:

    Oh man, so many tears! This is the sweetest 🙂

  • Thankfully, there’s never been a shortage of I-love-yous flying around our house. My daughter, particularly, has a lot of love, and loves saying it. Night before last, we took an evening stroll as a family, and she jumped up on an impromptu stage and began serenading us. (Video: http://youtu.be/OoD_FY6U8QY) And it doesn’t matter how often she says it – it melts her daddy every time. EVERY TIME.

  • Renee says:

    Cried like a baby at work. Grab those tissues!

  • Tanya Doupe says:

    That was beautiful! I love how they jump back and forth between English and their home language. Coming from someone who speaks one language and not well at that, thats truly remarkable.

  • cat lady says:

    Great video, however I felt awkward just watching it:) In Hungary we don’t really say ‘I love you’ to family members. I certainly never heard it from my parents and I never heard other people expressing it to their kids, perhaps only to little children. It would be interesting to know why some societies have a hard time expressing emotions to their family or close friends but not boy/girlfriends, at least that’s the case with me

    • Christine says:

      I noticed some of them said I Love You in English, and it made me wonder if they did not have those words in theirs?

      • cat lady says:

        Or they just felt less awkward. Saying something in your own language and in a foreign one makes a difference.

      • Caden says:

        In the philippines, we have a translation for I love you, which is “Mahal kita”. But it is more commonly used and probably more appropriate to say to your girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband only. Thus, saying “i love you” would better as it seems to be a general phrase that you can say to everyone including family members or even friends!

        • Caden says:

          Thats because “Mahal kita” usually denotes a romantic affection

  • Yep. That one got me right where it counts. Now, I’m off to share this with my intercultural communication courses!

  • Christine says:

    Soooo sweet! I never thought of that! I love it!

  • AJ says:

    I have never heard nor said these words ever with my parents. Putting things in context….it was implied but never said out loud until i became a father.I say this to my daughter all the time and she to me , but with my parents i always thought that expressing this out loud would be akin to an admission of weakness.

    Thanks for this vid….i cried uncontrollably , never realized how much those 3 little words could/should mean,

  • G Liu says:

    Oh boy. You had me in tears — completely bawling. Thank you for posting this. Beautiful.

    I’m thinking what might be an interesting experiment is to also randomly hug your Asian parents. When I would hug my mother unexpectedly, she freaked out. Just stood there all frozen barely able to get an arm bent to pat me on the back sometimes.

  • Kenji Oshima says:

    I have always joked “If you want to get your Asian parent off the phone just say ‘I love you.'”

    About 15 years ago (I’m 52) I decided to stop waiting and say “I love you” to my parents. I think it’s one of the truly unattached things (not expecting or wanting anything) i’ve ever done in my life.

    My mom was Euro-American and would say “I love you too dear” but the confrontational aspect of saying to my Nesei dad was too much for him, at first – I joked that the phone would whistle though the air as he quickly hung up.

    Fast forward 15 years and dad (before 2 strokes) got to the point where HE said it MORE COMFORTABLY then I did. At the end of our conversations he’d gently say, “I love you.”

    And it spread: my sister was shocked that he started saying it to her. Now at 89 he’s kind of forgotten it, due to his strokes, but I’m reminded by you all to gently start saying it again.

    Remember though let’s honor others communication systems (dad would say ‘nite nite” – his form of indirect ‘I love you’) and still love our friends, lovers, family, and neighbors no matter how they express love.

    It’s love, after all.

    Love,

    – Kenji

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