Like finely crafted wine, you can tell a lot by the fragrances of things, though in this case, a really groady cheese might be a more fitting analogy. Normally a wine’s bouquet refers not just to the first nostril impression of a particular grown-up grape juice, it also refers to the scent (or stank) it develops post-fermentation. It’s the same for poop. It always has a distinct (or distinkty) bouquet: a poouquet.

When a baby or kid cracks open a load from the cellar of their bum, by smell alone, one can learn to tell an entire long-winded Yelp review’s worth of information before even setting eyes on the vintage. It’s true, this also applies to pee pee, but poo clearly tends to be much more nose-forward.

Parents get so good, they can smell a kid’s fart and know exactly what’s gonna be uncorked later. Some parents can develop such an expert nose that they can tell what a kid ate and when, the kind of day the child’s had, what games they played and what the weather was like where they were.

It’s pretty spectacular to observe and worthy of a slow clap, if you can get past that whole dry heaving part.

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