Here are some tips and warnings for parents signing up for the full-contact, mind-bending sport known as Playing. I’ve added 6-second videos to each point to demonstrate more fully humorously.

You can turn the sound on and off in the lower-left of each video. (Some of these get a bit festive, so you may want to tweak your volume a little.)

1. Be Prepared to Lose… A LOT
Once your kid gets a taste for victory, it might become their favorite food. It can occasionally get a bit intense. Kids are fantastic a breaking things and they love dirt, so it’s only logical they’d play dirty and break all the rules.

2. Be Prepared to Win… Even When You’ve Clearly Lost
The only thing with kids you can really expect is the unexpected, and poop. Anyway! Sometimes the little boogers don’t want it to be over, or they’re trying to be nice and they throw the game so you can win. Or make it so the game never ends.

3. Sucking at a Game Can Be Very Entertaining
Sometimes you just have to sit back and be a spectator to the spectacular spectacle. It may be advisable to wear protective spectacles.

4. Use “Teaching By Example” to Your Advantage
C’mon. This is your chance to do stupid, silly things and get away with it. Use your responsibility as your kids educator and role model to do stuff you’d normally get banned from places for doing.

5. Just Go Along With It
When you’re playing a game with a kid, or just playing pretend, ESPECIALLY PRETEND, you need to be willing to go wherever they lead. They’ll often chauffeur you to Crazytown, floor it and keep going, so try to keep up as best you can.

6. Embrace the Art of Make Believe
Newsflash: you’re not going to be playing a lot of pretend, you’re going to get a friggin’ Bachelor’s Degree in it. Might as well try leading the little one into some of your own altered realities.

7. Anticipate Hostile Takeovers
WARNING: Be careful when taking the lead in playing. In a blink, kids can unexpectedly revolt against a fantasy or game you’re orchestrating, or demand for a total suspension of any fun and games or smiles or laughs or looking. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t play here.

8. Rules Schmules
Sometimes the dynamics of the game are just another toy for a kid to pull apart. Let them learn how they want, when they want. Remember, kids are like sponges, so they can soak up things without us parent trying to drench them in the “right way.” Also, it IS just a game.

9. Expect To Be Harmed
Even if they lose when playing, your kid will beat you. As in strike with force. Groins will be crushed, shins kicked, noses head-butted, skin scratched. Kid are pretty flippin’ nuclear and uncoordinated, so anything and everything painful is going to happen. It will also be totally worth it.

10. Have a Ball!
The most important part of having fun is HAVING FUN. As silly as that sounds, I bet you can think of a time you forgot it.

There’s plenty more to learn and watch out for when playing with your kids, but all you have to do is show up, they’ll teach you everything you need to know. However, always be ready to instantaneously cover your sensitive parts, don’t wait for them to teach you that.

How about you? What have you learned (the easy way or the crumpled-into-a-ball way) from playing with your kids?

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Fun with Instructional Diagrams
You won’t need to cover your crotch for these. I hope.

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