7 Things That Scared The Hell Out Of Me As A Boy

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If you grew up during the 1980s, then you probably were exposed to some crazy stuff. My dad had a bad habit of watching insanely scary stuff around me. I’m definitely more cautious because of it with my kids, but I wonder if everyone had the same insane childhood with television and movies like I did. Can you make it through this walk down (nightmarish) memory lane?

1. Poltergeist:
“The face meltingest, scariest tree and doll combo ever.”

This sort of ruined me. I just heard Mad Men creator, Matthew Weiner, talk about on the Nerdist podcast. He had no idea what the movie was about when he went in. At first, he thought it was a comedy, but then all hell broke loose.

Pretty sure it ruined him like it ruined me.

2. Mr. Mom:
“The scariest washing machine ever.”

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Okay, so I may have confused this a little, as a boy, with snippets I saw of “The Shining.” For some reason, my impressionable little mind coupled both Mr. Mom and a certain ax-wielding Jack Nicholson together. Why? Because my subconscious is apparently a practical joker.

I just keep seeing overflowing washing machines and doors being chopped to pieces.

3. Who Framed Roger Rabbit:
“Killing cartoons has never been more enjoyable.”

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I saw this in the movie theater while my dad fought with his girlfriend outside. I don’t think he fully appreciated what this movie had to offer. Christopher Lloyd’s quintessential villain was his terrifying. Also, Roger Rabbit’s sexuality was pretty unsettling, too.

4. Thriller:
“Yet another Michael Transformation that unsettled us.”

The zombie portions didn’t scare me as much as Michael’s werewolf transformation. For some reason mutations and transformations really shook me to my core. For the record, I love werewolves more than any other monster.

5. Raiders of the Lost Ark
“It’s face-meltingly good.”

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He’s the hero we all wanted to be. He inspired countless students to study archeology, or at the very least become proficient with the bullwhip. But, man oh man, when those Nazi pieces of shit all melted/exploded/got electrocuted, that definitely light my mind on fire. I could barely sleep.

Now, I get to feel like this every day before I’ve had coffee.

6. The Neverending Story
“It’s not the ‘nanu nanu’ kind of Gmork, is it?”

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The only thing slightly more terrifying than The Nothing was its enforcer, Gmork. He was rage personified and nearly unstoppable. I remember dreaming that he was somewhere outside my window, crouched in a shadow.

7. Pee-wee’s Big Adventure
“Tell ’em: Large Marge sent you.”

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I saved the best/worst for last. If Large Marge didn’t ruin your childhood, you either didn’t see the movie or you blocked it out.

Got any you’d like to add? Post yours here. Share this and ask around, too. It’s conversation starter, that’s for sure. We all have them.

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14 Comments

  • Oh boy. Poltergeist was terrifying. I remember watching Flight of the Navigator (I think). I was horrified that the kid was abducted by aliens, but then when he returned home much later and his family had moved?? That’s psychologically scarring stuff!! I was barely 6 when I saw it!

  • Laurie says:

    OMG Large Marge is STILL in my nightmares from time to time!! ugh!

  • Kevin says:

    Nice list. Never watched Poltergeist, but the rest would all be on my top 10 as well!

  • Chris says:

    Yes, these, and I would add the twins from The Shining (despite my aunt’s misguided attempts to make my cousin and me “cover our eyes” at the right moments) and a little cult film from 1978 called Sammy’s Super T-Shirt. Totally not scary by anyone’s standards, but when the super t-shirt starts giving Sammy trouble (freezing him in place, making him run backwards), it freaked my freak, OK? I also had bully issues.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qv3WgtZR2ys

  • Jason says:

    The scene in Scanners when that guy’s head blew up. I was scared so bad, but I watched it over and over again.

  • Kim says:

    that evil kidnapper in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang scared the crap out me. Poltergeist and Freddy Kruger.

  • Awesome post. I agree with every single one of these. I would add the evil goat-man Calibos from the original Clash of the Titans, as well as that super creepy gold-masked dude bad guy from the 1990’s Flash Gordon movie (who ends up getting impaled on one of those moving spikes)

  • Kenny (ElectraDaddy) says:

    Gurrrl, I remember watching Halloween. I have no idea what my parents were thinking. I was way too young for that. Scared the poop out of me. And Jaws. I saw that as a young kid. That one I think literally scared the poop out of me. I think I was 5 or so when it came out and I’m pretty sure I crapped my pants. I still, to this day, only swim in pools.

  • Jami says:

    1. Red Dawn scared me to death! Knowing something like that could really happen.
    2. The Exorcist, because also it too could really happen!
    3. And last, but not least, The Omen!

    • Jami says:

      Forgot to mention Nightmare on Elm Street, because i actually lived on Elm Street at 9 years old, not kidding!

  • Tim Getchell says:

    The Shining……still scares the crap out of me. Especially the twins…..

  • Joe says:

    The original The Fly. Help me, help me!

  • Ian White says:

    Most of these movies are all among my top awesomest childhood memories list. That includes Poltergeist, which I include among the most important movies I’ve ever seen.

    See, my mom liked watching scary movies, and I liked not staying in bed. At some point before I came into consciousness there must have been an agreement of terms, because I can’t remember a time before I pretended something was wrong so that I could stay up and watch TV with mom.

    Those are some of the best memories I have, and as a grown up no movie has ever lived up to the likes of Poltergeist. This list includes movies I actually liked as a kid… Except Mr. Mom. Not because it was frightening, but because it sucked, hard.

  • Ian White says:

    Wait, oh sh… wow, Yep. I completely blocked Large Marge out of memory. That might explain my inherent aversion to anything Pee Wee. Or maybe it was one of the many other awkward messages that tainted the innocence.

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