The Crazy Ways Kids Rename Things (30+ Pictures)
My son walked up to me recently and asked me where the “burger shovel” was. After I was done chuckling, I asked him what he needed a spatula for. He answered, “I need your s-spaatuulaa for my pretend restaurant.” He said the word like he was taste-testing it for an in-depth Yelp review.
Kids are perpetual inventors, even if most of their inventions are useless, unnecessary or dangerous ““ so when they don’t know a word (or simply dislike one), they tend to improvise.
I got him his “burger shovel” and he skipped off to invent a PB&J hot dog with pickles or something (or everything), but his word-McGyvering reminded me of some funny word improvisations from kids I’d seen online, so I thought I’d share the fun here with a load of new additions.
Spatula
If you think about it, “spatula” sounds like a drool cup for vampires with an eating disorder.
Donut
This way no one would get uppity anymore about the spelling of donut versus doughnut, right?
Shark
What this new naming lacks in economy and accuracy it more than makes up for in emotion and dramatics.
Muffin
It’d be kinda fun to say “don’t wear jeans so tight they give you a bread mushroom top.”
Lampshade
Back in the day, you could tell a party was a rager when someone put a lightbulb helmet on their head.
Milk
Got cereal juice? Okay, maybe not. But as kids say, maybe SO!
Wristwatch
“Time bracelet” makes these seem cooler than the fashion accessory afterthoughts they’ve become.
Bread
Welp. That’s one way to look at it, that I never really thought of before and never would have.
Feather
Huh! Again, makes perfect sense, but also again, never would have thought of it.
Lipstick
Draw outside the lines for fuller lips.
Ribs
For a lot of people, they’re better than a dessert. And by a lot of people I mostly mean me.
Tape measure
Sounds kinda epic. “Bring forth the roll of inches, so that I may take measure of this thing before me.”
Ice cubes
We already order drinks “on the rocks” so this isn’t really a stretch at all.
Carousel
This renaming really does properly express the thrillingly extreme ride it is for a little kid.
Kitten
When in doubt, take two words you know and mangle them together to express yourself.
Burrito
If you eats too much, they have been know to cause a food coma and spontaneous napping. ZzzzZzzzzzz…
Kissing
How do you explain passionate kissing to a kid? Hopefully, you can just let them keep calling it face hugs.
Matches
Gosh darn it, kid words are so much more fun.
Volcano
Wait! No one touch the ground! EVERYTHING IS LAVA!
Gloves
In the olden days, would people have challenged others by smacking them in the face with finger britches?
Tissues
It’s really got truth and hilarity going for it.
Hammer
This one also has way too much truth going for it, far too often.
Wrist
It’s all in the arm ankle.
French fries
When the French piss off the U.S. we wouldn’t need to call them “freedom sticks.”
FROM OUR READERS
Bandaid
Our reader, Laura S., writes that her kid came up with a much better name for what to slap onto a boo boo.
Bologna
Our reader, Andrew J., tells us his kid’s perfect new way to spell Oscar Mayer.
Goosebumps
Our reader, Claire S., tells us her kidlet’s way of describing skin when it’s chilly, without referencing dead poultry.
Lemons
Our reader, Patrick M.’s niece will make sour orange juice if life give her lemons.
Ichiban soup
Our reader, Daren B., tells us his kid’s cute new name for the college student’s food of choice.
Cup of water
Our reader, Alkd, tells us her son’s cute use of the word bath. Even though we parents don’t want it to be, this is very accurate.
Double-decker bus
Our reader, JB’s kid has made these buses seem like the raddest mobile home ever.
Toilet paper
Our reader, Aubrey G.’s kid better understand that these “towels” don’t go in the hamper.
Raspberries
Our reader, Ferda’s kid wins at renaming. P.S. Finger hat jelly donuts are one of my fave.
I’m constantly astonished at how stupidly brilliant and how brilliantly stupid kids can be. In this case, it’s an entertaining and intriguing look back into what it was like to think about things as a child, before gathering all of these thoughts we hoard as adults.
Also, how about your kids? What makeshift names have they come up with? (As you can see, I’m adding some of them to this post.) 😉
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You got it.
Andy W says: 
JB 
Ferda 
alkd 
Joshua 
Randi 
Kenny 
Steph VW 
Amanda 
Carol 
Shawn 
Karl 
