I was browsing Tumblr the other day, and came across a post that blew my mind. Someone had written out lies they’d heard people told kids when they were little. Yikes. Some of these are beyond nuts.

In my weaker moments, I’ve fast tracked the truth and sanded down some edges on reality. Do you have a hard and fast rule on lying to kids? I’m generally good at explaining things truthfully, and in a way my kids understand. But every once in a while, it gets a little Cliff’s Notes.

Any of these sound like things you’ve said or heard?

Don’t Burst the Bubble, Kid

I’ve heard so many iterations of this. My favorite was the “it’ll make spiderwebs in your stomach” line of reasoning. Anyone else hear that one?

The Final Countdown

It takes a real slick mind to invent the idea that ‘something happening means something won’t happen’ and make it stick. Nice move, parent.

Whamburger with French Cries

Aren’t most Happy Meals just Sad Meals after all? Their toys broke after half a day anyway.

Trying to Worm Your Way into Cookies

I mean. Just. WTF? I’ve never shaken the Salmonella concept, but this is… over the line.

Spot the Insane Person

There’s lying and then there’s that. Spots on the ground? What is this? The Rapture? Man.

Liar, Liar. Ears on Fire

Pro parenting move: making kids feel weird about their appearance or bodies. Solid technique, bro.

Chocolate Milk Ducts

That sounds confusing as hell.

Limited Monthly Talking Data Plan

OMG. Don’t tell anyone but I want to try this one out. Is that bad?

Orange You Going to Say ‘What’ Again?

I might’ve used the same kind of excuse with my son. But I didn’t look as Vincent Vega doing it, that’s for sure.

Crash Course in Aviation

If there’s anything parents are good at, it’s giving kids neurotic fears about the future based on false pretenses! Yay!

Ole Black Water Keep on Rolling

Beer = rotten apple juice.
Wine = moldy grape juice
Any others?

World Championship Boxing

Planets battling? That’s super bad, and seriously scientifically inaccurate. Epic.

What About his Reindeer?

What Santa wants, Santa gets, guys!

Source: Imgur

What lies have you heard? Post them in the comments here. Would love to hear all the parenting crazy you have to offer.