5 Tips For School Dropoffs
School has begun and people have begun inundating our social feeds with quaint, sappy photos of their sweet little bags of questions and poopies. Today, I’d like to speak to you, parents, visiting the school to drop off your kids. I’ve been going for a few weeks now, and I’ve noticed a couple of trends. Perhaps, this will be our first helpful post. Who knows!
Let’s begin.
1. Dress for Success
You’d think getting pretty’d up is the way to go. It is not. Dress like a slob who pretends to work out. This will set everyone at ease. If you dress like a boardroom meeting or a night on the town, people will judge you. Forget the comb. Stop brushing your teeth. That shit is bullshit.
2. Clocks are Liars
Punctuality is a myth. Being on time is for people think they’re better than you. I once had a teacher who said lateness was a form of hostility. I don’t even know what that means exactly. All I know is showing up early to stuff eats into my eating time. And I like eating.
3. Be Aloof
If you talk to people, they’ll think you care. Don’t care. You’re there to help your kid get an education, not make friends. Friends complicate things. How are you going to fire your teacher or tell a parent their kid needs to stop eating glue if you make friends? Stop it. Become the aloof, cool parent who looks like they’ve been partying all night
4. Eat Breakfast
It’s very important to eat a protein-filled breakfast… at school. Do it in front of everyone. The more voraciously you eat, the more respect you’ll earn.
5. Do Not Show Weakness
The teachers and parents at school can sense your fear. Do not show weakness by giving your kids physical affection in public, and certainly don’t speak, or even breathe in front of them. In fact, hold your breath until you leave school. That will curb your desire to linger too long.
So, do you have any tips for school dropoffs? Post them here in the comments!
Pete says: 
