Kids seem to have a kind of horrible instinct mixed with a curse of bad luck. A kind of Murphy’s Law born into them.

Mysteriously, critters of the wild are pre-programmed with certain knowledge and skills. A male dog lifts its leg to pee without ever seeing his dad do it. A weaver bird crafts wicker palaces without a single inspiration printout from Pinterest. Sea turtles navigate entire oceans without a compass or Google Maps. They just know.

For kids, it’s like a sixth sense, except it’s a SICK sense. They annihilate the laws of probability with their “gift”, seeming to know just how to stomp to make their dad squeak like a prepubescent pig, where a drawing will be the hardest and most expensive to remove, and, sadly, the worst possible places for their pukecano to erupt when they’re ill.

It’d be nice if our kids were born knowing how to play a piano or pick winning lottery numbers, instead of knowing how to drop our phones in just right to shatter the screen.

When they’re all grown up, maybe the laws of probability try to balance things out, compelling our kids to have kids of their own. So one day, we can hear the story of our grandchild projectile vomiting directly in their open mouth.

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Thanks to Clorox for partnering with us to make this post. C’mon. How rad is that? They sponsored a chart of the wild vomiting habits of kids. Haha! They’re awesome.

Check Out More Shenanigans on Clorox’s SpinCycle