We’ve all seen ads or stores selling baby-related products that had us tilting our head and muttering, “Really???” Sometimes it’s because they seem useless and stupid, or downright unsafe. It’s hard to believe sometimes, but they’re actually out there, for someone with money in their pocket and sh*t for brains, apparently.

How ’bout, we take it to the level beyond the Next Level, and look at some absolutely awful baby product ideas…

Thongies Diaper Thongs

“The softness of a baby’s butt is the stuff of legend. Maybe even myth. So… How could anyone want hide something so smooth and scrumptiously cute!?! Introducing Thongies, the new diaper on the block! They’re sassy and comfy.”

Pixie Choosie Exotic Baby Foods

“Any parent who has said that they’ve “tried everything” was wrong. So, there’s hope! Kinda… And if there isn’t really hope, then there’s at least a last ditch, experimental effort that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. Pixie Choosie Uncommonly Exotic Baby Foods to the rescue!”

Tranquoo Anti-Wakefulness System

“There’s nothing more precious, more beautiful, than your child in a deep, restful, rosy-cheeked slumber. But that preciousness and beauty is multiplied by 10,000 after the sanity-testing misery of your child screaming, flailing and refusing to go to sleep for an hour or two or more. But there’s hope! Tranquoo is the ideal child anti-wakefulness system, using modern technology to provide a silent, accurate way to get a virtually instant parenting break from it all. Use Tranqoo and you’ll say “Tranq you very much!'”

Peter Pottermouth Proper Pronunciation Wheel

“Whether you chuckle or upchuck a little when your little one accidentally swears because of mispronunciation, it’s okay, sheet happens. Rest assured! It’s just part of learning to talk. But now, with the Peter Pottymouth Proper Pronunciation Wheel, you can put rocket boosters on the unfortunately foul-mouthed part of the learning process.”

Lil’ Chompers Baby Dentures

“Babies are born with no teeth. BUT, they no longer have to live the beginning of there lives suffering the disadvantage of a gummy grin. Introducing Lil’ Chompers Baby Dentures! Don’t just smile, smile COMPLETELY.”

ChocoHead Edible Baby Helmet

“What parent hasn’t said they just wanna “eat ’em up,” they’re so cute! However, we can’t nibble and chew on our little ones, of course. But wait… Here it comes… BLAM! NOW WE CAN!!! Pure cuteness covered in rich, creamy chocolate. ChocoHead!”

 
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None of these are really real, of course, I just made them up in Photoshop for poops and giggles. But I’ve found that I do have to mention that because there are a surprising number of people who flip out about these, thinking they’re actually products that exist and are available for purchase. Yikes.

Kinda scarily hilarious that there are enough terrible items for sale out there that these could even be believed for a second. What a world!

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