All parents have had that moment where we say something, and the second it leaves our lips, we’re shocked by the utter strangeness of what we’ve just had to say. Sentences that we’re dead certain no human being has ever had to say in the entire history of human speech.

When they’re babies, parents say strange things to each other like, “I’m so hungry for sleep” or “Midnight poops are always better than 4am poops.” But when kids are finally toddling amok, you might catch yourself saying something to them like, “Your penis is not a banjo! Shows over!” or “She isn’t a Queen, that’s a wheelchair not a throne with wheels.” Stuff you never ever thought you’d say.

Designer dad, Nathan Ripperger, took it upon himself to illustrate some of the oddball comments he’s had to make in the adventures of parenthood.